Monster | Vkook

(18) Because I love you

Quick update, because soon I will be thrown into studies again.
Also a song recommendation, because I love it so much :')
Sometimes it doesn't load, so just tap in the middle.

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Jungkook's POV:

"Don't ever call yourself that again!"

"Uhm, what?", he looked at me with his almond shaped eyes like a little kid who was sad after getting caught. Some tears were still in the corner of his eyes.

"You heard me Taehyung. Don't drag yourself down like this. I'm sorry for yelling at you, but I won't let anyone call you names and that includes yourself. You are a wonderful person and if you really need someone to tell you this every day, than let me be the one to tell you, because I can't stand to watch you cry out of sadness.
I know you had to go through so much and don't think I didn't notice you crying at nights. I know you had nightmares, probably about your past when the real monster tried to hurt you, because you moved much in your sleep. You imagined to escape him ri-"

He stood up ready to run and leave, so I immediately got up and hold his wrist before he could run of.

"Why are you trying to run Taehyung?"

He didn't listen and tried to free himself.

"Why are you running away from me?!", I yelled again.

"How do I know you are not like the others who hurt me? Maybe I trusted you easier than the others l, so what?
Maybe you will use me now that I let my guard down! How can I know you are not one of his men and are just-"

I stared at him, shocked and in complete disbelief, "Are you really comparing me to those who hurt you? Do you really think that low of me? That really hurt me Tae.."

By now he was crying even harder and trying to free himself, but my vision also got blurred by tears.

"Why would you say those kind word to me Kookie? You are really awful", tears streamed down his cheeks.

I laughed not believing what I heard, "Are you really calling me a nickname and insulting me at the same time? You are really something Tae.
I know you don't understand why I'm doing all of this, but it's not just me. Jimin, Yoongi, Hoseok and Namjoon hyung, we all care about you. It's maybe overwhelming for you and hard to believe, but-"

"But especially you. Why are you caring so much? Why would you say those sweet things to me when you just know me for about six months? Why did you analyze me so much?! That is creepy and it makes me think you are really one of-"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!", I couldn't hold those words in anymore, I had to say it.

I let go of his wrist, which was probably red by now and dropped to my knees as tears streamed down.

"W-what?", he asked surprised, not believing what I just told him.

"You heard me. When you said, that I could be one of those men who hurt you, that really hurt me deep in my heart.
You know that I hate nothing more than people who enjoy causing harm to others and now you are saying those cruel things to me...I don't know why Taehyung, I don't know why I fell in love this easily, but you are the only one who could make me this jealous", my red eyes met his. He did no longer try to run. He didn't even move an inch.

"Tae...You don't know how lost and alone I felt when I first heard about the death of appa. Eomma didn't show it directly, but she was also hurt and suffered from depression. She couldn't care about me, she couldn't even care about herself.
It's just my intuition Taehyung. I don't have any clues or proofs if there is really something more behind appa's death, but I can't shake this feeling of.
When I saw you the first time, my intuition also told me, that I could figure it out with your help, but of course you don't have to.
If you don't trust me, I can't force you, but please don't think I'm such a bad guy. If you want me to say away from you and if this takes to gain your trust, I will do it, but I can't promise you anything.
I may not be able to keep my word, because I think and worry about you every day and if you really hate me then I will do everything on my power to prove you wrong. I want to show you why hating me won't bring you much. I want to show you that I am able to protect you and make you happy, even if you hate me, but please don't leave me Tae, I don't want to lose someone I love again. I don't care if it was only six months, to me it felt like I knew you half of my life".

I lowered my head as I sat down, but felt to arms hug me shortly after.
Tae must have sat down too.

We stayed in this position for a while.

"I'm sorry", he began to speak with his shaky voice. I could feel his wet tears on top of my head rolling down my forehead.

He continued, "It wasn't my intention to hurt you, but I didn't know how else I could have reacted. I don't understand why someone other than hyung cares about me this much. There were some times when some of Yesung's friends, that's the name of the man who hurt me, tried to act as if they cared just so I would let my guard down and it worked after a long time, that's why hyung and I transferred to this university. We left the other city.
My plan was to focus on my studies and just live my life. I never wanted friends, but seeing hyung so stressed because of this let me think that I have to make friends in order to keep him happy. I want him to live his own life, so I was ready to socialize, but it's just to much for me to handle.
I'm sorry Jungkook, I don't think I can return your feelings, but if I push my doubts aside, I see in you a great friend, who I don't want to lose. At the same time I think it would be the best for both of us to part ways, but I was glad tha you stopped me know, I don't think i can just avoid you, I also want to see you happy. Even if I can't love you back, because I don't really know how it feels, I have this urge to help you with your investigation on your father's case. That's the least I can do after insulting you.
I'm really sorry, I don't think low of you, I'm just scared..."

Tae...That's probably how you felt the whole time, but you didn't say a word.

I reached out to wipe his tears away and hugged him back like my life depended on it.

"It's ok Tae, you don't have to love me yet, but I won't give up this easily. I will protect you by all costs, you are to precious to me. I appreciate it very much that you are willing to help me, thank you very much", I gave him my bunny smile and he returned a rectangle one.

We sat there for another ten minutes, wiping our tears away and calming down, then decided to walk back.

When we were close to his room, I opened my mouth to ask him something I wanted to know from the beginning, "Tae? Can I ask you something?"

"Go on, you have every right to after I treated you like that..."

He looked sad, but I assured him, that this won't stand in our way.

"Coming back to my question", he watched me, "Why six, three, six?"

"It's random, I just don't want to stare at other faces for to long or short so I count. When I feel it's ok to not be that careful anymore, I stop counting", he answered.

"Oh, so it's that simple", I said smiling, "You should go in and sleep now Tae, we will see each other tomorrow. Good night and sleep well".

When I was about to leave, he called my name causing me to stop and look at his figure standing in the dark hallway.
The moon shine from the window, which hit Tae's back, made it almost impossible to see his face clearly, but I could sense that he was smiling a bit.

"Even if I can't return your feelings now, I'm still happy you told me. You are the first person ever to love me and that makes me happy"

Tae...

"Good night to you too Kookie, sleep well", with that he went in.

I smiled.
Yes, sleep well. I hope you won't have any nightmares.