It's Always Been You

Chapter 6

When Steve arrives at the cafe where they promised they'd meet each other again, Bucky's nowhere to be found.

He's in the exact place where he sat, his back facing the entrance of the cafe. He notices his surroundings, and the fading moans behind the counter. He also notices the man sprawled out on the floor, and clenches his jaw when he senses what happened.

His eyes scan the room for blood, knowing that the knife on the man's belt can be enough damage if it were used properly. He sighs in relief when he sees none.

"Buck?" he calls out nervously. Not getting a response, his heart aches more and more. He just got him back. "Buck, I'm serious..."

When silence hangs in the room for a bit too long, he runs out of the cafe, his heart hammering in his chest.

"Please, Buck..." he mutters under his breath, desperately trying to search for his best friend. "Where are you?" he says to himself, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

It dawns on him that the only place Bucky would ever feel safe is back home.

So, that's where he's headed. He doesn't know if he'll find him there, but it's worth a try. Anything's worth a try when it comes to Bucky.

He barges into the living room of their old home, but sees no sign of Bucky— and he was so sure he'd be here. Sometimes he wishes he knew Bucky as well as Bucky knew him.

The lack of lock on the door makes things harder. Bucky could've left a sign that he at least broke into the apartment if there was a key. Maybe he could've picked he lock, or even broke the whole thing. Maybe he—

Steve's thoughts are interrupted when he hears a choked-off sob from inside the house. He's almost scared to call out Bucky's name. "Buck?" he says anyway. "Buck, 's that you?"

The house goes quiet for a second, before he hears shuffling and footsteps on the wooden floorboards.

He follows the sounds, leading him straight to Bucky's old bedroom.

He sees Bucky on the floor, his knees drawn to his chest and his body shaking with sobs. "Bucky, hey," he starts, kneeling so that they're eye-level to each other. "It's me, it's Steve," he says, almost pleading. Maybe he'll just snap out of it, he thinks to himself, and although he knows that can't be more untrue, he wills himself to believe it. "Breathe, Buck," he tells the man hunched over in front of him. "I'm right here."

"Don't leave, please," Bucky's broken voice made Steve's heart ache even more. He should never feel this way. Bucky doesn't deserve any ounce of sadness. He deserves all the happiness the world has to offer, and more.

"I'm not leaving," Steve replies, his hand on the other man's shoulder. "I'm right here. See?" He tilts Bucky's chin up ever so gently, his calloused fingertips brushing the brunette's stubble. "I'm right here. I've got you."

"I'm sorry," Bucky chokes out, panic clear in his eyes. "I'm so sorry," he repeats. "I can't... I don't—"

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Buck," Steve tells him, hoping that his words will calm him down. "You did nothing wrong."

"I killed them, Stevie," Bucky replies, his voice just above a whisper. "I killed them. I don't deserve to be out there, in the timeline where... where you guys are, you know..." he pauses, frowning. "I don't deserve to be a hero. No one wants an assassin to be a hero."

Steve opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. In his eyes, Bucky is a hero. There's no use in doubting that for a second at all. He feels extremely sappy for thinking that Bucky has always been the one who saved him, although it's true.

When he was too sick to walk to the kitchen for food, Bucky was there. Bucky was the one who made sure that Steve had taken his meds, and even spent hundreds of dollars on courses of medication that weren't exactly cheap.

When they were both trapped in the HYDRA facility back in the 40s, Bucky's stubbornness was the one who got them both out of the fire alive. If Bucky had left Steve, there probably wouldn't have been any Captain America in the twenty-first century.

When words still can't express his complicated feelings about Bucky and where they stand now— hero or not, or even lovers or not, Steve wraps his arms around Bucky protectively, keeping him safe from the world and his own demons.

They stay huddled up like that for what feels like hours, the only sounds in the room being Bucky's breathing gradually slowing down to a normal.

When the time comes and they have to leave and move on to their next mission, Steve helps the other man up, taking his hands, both metal and flesh, in his own. He almost places a kiss on each knuckle before he realizes that that would definitely weird Bucky out.

"You ready?" Steve asks, a small crooked smile on his face.

Bucky almost melts at the sight, but straightens up instead. "As I'll ever be."
------------------------
Sorry this took so long omg. I haven't had the time to write at all hehe. Thanks for reading!