It's Always Been You

Chapter 7

The sun is just starting to rise when they set foot in New York, year 2012.

The sunrise makes Bucky realize how beautiful the world could be, even with all the things trying to destroy it. Maybe that's why they try to destroy it at all, he thinks to himself.

It's not rare that Bucky gets overwhelmed by the beauty surrounding him — he thinks it might be because of the years he spent locked up in a cage like an animal, barely seeing any sun.

Now that he's seeing the world in a completely different perspective (where it seemed nothing else but a battleground to him just a few years back, and now a place of new opportunities and healing), he can't help but wonder: would it be better to stay in the forties, where he can live out his life with the small and frail version of Steve he knew, or to be in the present?

He shrugs off his thoughts absentmindedly, deciding that it's best to just think about the future. Besides, gay marriage is legal— what're you thinking?! You're not getting married to Steve!

The sun is just above the highest skyscraper in New York when Steve finally says something. "This is beautiful."

Bucky hums in agreement, a smile on his face.

He looks so peaceful, Steve thinks to himself. He can't help but notice how the sunlight illuminates his blue eyes, and how his brown locks seem to gleam— wait, blue eyes?

All this time, Steve had thought that Bucky's eyes were brown, or at least a shade of gray. He's never expected them to be as blue as the fucking sky. He knew that he woke up to a world of colors when he got out of the 'buffing up machine', as Natasha calls it, but to not notice that Bucky's eyes are blue? How exactly could he not notice that?

"I have a question," Steve blurts out, already off to an awkward start.

Bucky tilts his head. "Shoot."

"You have blue eyes?" Steve asks, his cheeks getting redder and redder the longer Bucky stares at him in utter confusion.

"Yeah?"

"I thought they were gray," Steve mumbles under his breath, shaking his head at how stupid this must sound. Why'd I have to ask at all? Of course, his eyes are blue! You can literally see that they're blue!

"You used to be colorblind?" Bucky asks, his mouth agape.

Steve chuckles the blush off his face, muttering a 'yeah' as he scratches the back of his neck.

Bucky just looks at him in awe, stepping away from Steve to physically prevent the words along the lines of 'your eyes are the most beautiful color I've ever seen' from escaping his mouth. So, he just says, "Your eyes are blue, too."

"Oh?" Steve asks in mild shock. Move away from the eyes... "You, um, noticed." Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Bucky just chuckles, and Steve will eternally be grateful for that. "'Course. That was the first thing I noticed when I saw you."

A comfortable silence falls between them as Steve tries his very best to hide his flushed cheeks from Bucky's gaze. When the sun is up, they take their leave, heading towards the place Bruce had told Steve before he went on this whole journey.

They walk side by side, with Steve remembering to be careful with his hands and Bucky's, he wouldn't want to scare Bucky off with his hand-holding gestures. Or maybe Bucky will appreciate it. It's too risky, though. He knows how much Bucky's changed from before he was captured by HYDRA, but he's not willing to admit that nothing could change the way he feels for the brunette. At least not to himself. Saying it out loud would make things too real.

They walk into the green building on Bleecker Street, up the stairs to the rooftop, and see a woman so ethereal they doubt she's earthly. The Ancient One, as Bruce mentioned. Steve thinks he might puke from how close Bucky is and how fast his heart is beating because of that closeness, and how The Ancient One is practically floating towards them. What the fuck?

Bucky's all shades of confused. That woman just flew over here! What?!

The Ancient One notices their perplexed expressions and smiles softly. "I heard you have something for me," she says calmly. "Strange was right," she continues, her face full of hope.

Steve smiles back at her, nodding.

"Thank you for coming back with the Stone," she says, taking the Stone from Steve's hand. Her eyes focus on Bucky now, who's a little bit uncomfortable, to say the least. "You both will be alright," she reassures them, as if reading Bucky's mind.

He was just thinking about asking how they will end up in the future, and although The Ancient One could have been more specific, he's thankful for the fact that she's left the whole future for them to figure out on their own, whether it be staying friends or becoming lovers.

"Thanks," Bucky replies, grinning. He can't seem to wipe the grin off his face ever since they arrived. It could be the fact that he's just happy to be alive, or maybe the fact that he's seeing Steve in a whole different light, but the latter is just a coincidence.

The Ancient One sends them off with a message to Strange, and they walk down the same path they'd walked a thousand times when they went home from school back in the forties.

The sun is shining brightly now, and Steve leads them to the cafe (because he's a big fan of cafes, Bucky notices) where he used to go to every single day, without fail. It didn't matter how things went, if he didn't go to the place he called second home, he would most likely lose his mind.

"You know, if you wanted to hold my hand, you could've just done it," Bucky blurts out, his coolness quite literally making Steve freeze on the spot. They've just ordered their coffees, and Steve is busy fiddling with his thumbs when Bucky decides that it's now or never.

Steve almost chokes on his own spit. "I, uh..." he pauses, scratching the back of his neck—a nervous tick that he still has after more than a century. "That obvious, huh?"

"Well," Bucky starts. "You're not exactly subtle."

Steve swallows a lump in his throat. "Yeah, I don't think I'm subtle at all," he replies sheepishly. "I just didn't wanna scare ya off, 's all."

"Listen to me," Bucky says seriously. "If you wanna hold my hand, do it. Don't just scrape the back of your hand on mine. Fucking commit to it." The smirk on his face deceives his tone.

Steve stammers, trying to form a coherent sentence, before giving up and just interlacing his fingers with Bucky's metal ones instead. It's cool under his touch, and he notices Bucky almost flinching away when they were about to make contact. "Is this okay?"

Bucky thinks on it for a moment, not moving at all, afraid that the metal hand will have a mind of its own and crush Steve's warm flesh one. Not that it's ever done anything out of Bucky's command. When he makes sure that everything is okay, he nods, a smile slowly making its way up to his face.

Maybe this will be the furthest they will go.

But Bucky prays to the universe that it's not, and so does Steve. He doesn't know when, if ever, he'll tell Steve how he feels. It's been buried in him for so long, it's almost intimidating.

For now, though, they just sit in silence, enjoying the feeling of each other's hands, and somehow that's enough. For now.