It's Always Been You

Chapter 2

Sam walks into the room, his mind immediately having a million thoughts per second when he sees Bucky hunched over on the edge of the bed, crying.

He thinks about all the things Steve could've said to upset him, or even what Bucky himself has been thinking about. He knows that overthinking is something his friend does regularly.

He feels like he's interrupting, or even invading his privacy, but seeing Bucky so upset makes him upset, too. They may be what people call 'frenemies', but they both know that deep down, they'd never let anything bad happen to each other.

"Hey, man," Sam finally says, his voice soft.

"Go away, Wilson," Bucky replies, clearly not wanting anyone seeing him in this state.

"What, you're going all Elsa on me, now?" Sam jokes, hoping to lift the other man's mood just a little bit.

Bucky smiles, but Sam should never know that. "Fuck off," he chokes out. "No one likes Frozen."

Sam takes it as a good thing that his best friend is cursing him out. Whenever he's not, that's when things get real bad.

Bucky fiddles with his metal fingers. Am I not enough, Steve? he thinks to himself, frowning. Maybe it's the arm. Maybe it's the brainwashing. Maybe it's his scattered memories and how he can't remember things at times.

Maybe it's just him.

"Barnes," Sam calls out, sensing that the soldier might be going down a spiral or dark thoughts. "Hey," he says again, putting his hand on Bucky's side.

Bucky shrugs it off almost aggressively. "Don't," he warns, his eyes desperate.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Sam asks carefully, taking his hand off Bucky's metal shoulder.

Bucky looks down, furrowing his eyebrows and taking a deep breath to calm himself down. "Do you think he's gonna..." he trails off, swallowing the lump in his throat,"go after Peggy?"

Sam almost scoffs. "Dude, come on," he motions to Bucky from top to bottom,"you don't think he's not completely smitten with you?"

"How could he be, anyway?" Bucky says, his voice somehow sounding distant in Sam's ears even when he's right in front of him. "I have this thing," he moves his left arm,"and just a shit ton of problems in general."

Sam chuckles. "Yeah, and?" he asks animatedly. "He's in love love, man."

"Yeah, with Peggy."

"You're dumb, ya know that?" Sam jokes, punching Bucky's arm lightly. "With you, stupid."

"Bullshit," Bucky says, shaking his head. "God, what am I even doing? I should be happy for him, for fuck's sake."

"Hey, emotions are meant to be felt," Sam reminds him. They've had this talk many times before, and Bucky is convinced that Sam is now his best friend slash therapist slash rival. It's complicated.

"I know."

Sam nods. "Distance does make the heart grow fonder, huh?"

"What's up with you and all those sayings?" Bucky says, cracking a weak smile. "It's like you've just read a whole book or something. Wait, can you even read?"

"Fuck you, Barnes," Sam deadpans, rolling his eyes. "I'm glad you feel well enough to insult me, though."

"I insult you in my sleep."

"And we all know that sleeping is the best time of your day, no?" Sam teases, referencing to the night before, where Bucky snored so loudly Sam couldn't even get any shut-eye, despite being a room away from him.

"Whatever," Bucky replies simply, crossing his arms and pouting like a little kid.

"You know, I see why Steve loves you so much," Sam blurts out before he can even process what he just said. "Wait, no, oh God, I didn't mean that I love you-"

"Thanks, man," Bucky cuts him off, to which Sam sighs in relief.

"I thought you were gonna take it the wrong way and think that I was into you or something," he explains.

"You and me?" Bucky chuckles. "Honestly, we'd be pretty cute. Except for the fact that we're not into each other."

Sam laughs, the tension from earlier disappearing into thin air. "That's true."

"I'm sorry, but did you just agree with me?" Bucky questions in fake disbelief, placing his hand over heart.

"I wanna take it back now. We do not look-"

"Nope, you said it. No take-backs."

Sam gasps dramatically, and now it's his turn to place his hand over his heart. "Oh my! What shall I-"

"As much as you guys would make a cute couple, Bucky's mine," a voice from behind the two declares.

"Yeah, yeah. He's all yours, buddy." The Falcon raises his hands up in mock surrender.

Steve grins, patting Sam on the chest as he approaches Bucky.

"Have you done it?" Bucky asks, his voice soft and small and for some reason, scared.

He won't admit it to anyone, but he's scared that Steve will leave. He knows that he's got Sam now, but Steve's... well, Steve. No one could ever replace him— especially when Bucky's heart is so full of love for the small guy from Brooklyn.

Steve's quiet for a moment. "Will you come with me?"

"You're not inviting me, too? I see how it is," Sam jokes, making the three laugh.

"No. Unless you wanna watch all the action go down, I suggest you just wait here," Steve says, and Sam groans, disgusted.

"Fine, fine. Have your fun."

"Why did you want me to come with you? Aren't you just putting the stones back in place?" Bucky asks. He just doesn't want Steve to look at Peggy and have him fall for her right in front of his eyes. He's been through enough of that from when they were in the 40s.

"Might be able to revisit our best times," Steve says, his tone giddy and excited. "So, whaddya say?"

"If you mean 'best times' as us being in the military, then no," Bucky answers. The thought of them going back to the 30s is appealing, though.

"No, none of that, then," Steve states. "It's all up to you, Buck. Wherever you wanna go, or whatever you want help with remembering."

"Aren't you gonna go back to Peggy?" Bucky asks. His mind doesn't seem to process anything else but the fact that Steve might just be going back for Peggy, but doesn't want him to feel left out.

Steve sighs. "I just... I'm gonna say goodbye to her. That's it. So that I can live this life without anything dragging me down."

"You can do more than that now, you know? Why waste it on me?" Bucky asks, and he can hear Sam face-palming in the background, but decides to ignore him for now.

"You're worth it, Buck. You always have been."

"Y'all are gonna give me diabetes from how disgustingly sweet that was. I'm leaving. Bring me back an old vinyl," Sam tells them, rushing out of the room.

The ex-assassin doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want himself to be the one holding Steve back from all the what if's and what could've been's.

"C'mon, Buck," Steve tries to lure him in. "It'll be like old times."

"Well, literally," Bucky says almost sarcastically, earning a warm laugh from Steve.

"So..." Steve pauses, holding his gloved hand out for Bucky to take. "Shall we?"

Bucky smiles. "What the hell," he mutters under his breath, grasping Steve's hand and letting him help him to his feet.

Steve grins. That's my man, he thinks to himself.