How Sweet It Is

Love of My Life

"Too long, sweetheart."

There it was that stupid crooked smile of his and that nickname I hadn't heard in years. That word that brought back all of those unwanted memories. Memories of coming home to flowers and music, evenings spent singing and writing, of that night when he...

Damn him to hell. When he reached out I tried to take a step back but Rose shoved me forward. I stumbled into the side of the stage, only caught by Solo's hand on my arm. Before I could curse him, my friends, and the entire galaxy I was hoisted up by a singular strong arm. Great. Not only had he recognized me but now I was on stage with him, in front of god knows how many thousands of people. The roar of the crowd shook me to my core, freezing me in place.

Guiding me with his hand, he brought me center stage, all while introducing me and saying some other words that I didn't hear quite right. I was completely overwhelmed. The sights, sounds, not to mention the unending swirl of emotions and memories at his touch.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I couldn't do this. It wasn't fun or amusing anymore. Yet here I was on stage in front of too many people and Ben Solo holding my hand acting as a support as he had always done before.

No.

He knew about my stage fright. Knew how uncomfortable this whole situation made me feel. And yet he chose me of all people to come up. Me. Not one of his adoring fangirls that probably had an entire Tumblr blog dedicated to just his hair. No, he had chosen me. The prick.

"Rey. Hey, look at me."

Blinking I met his gaze, I hadn't realized it before but my hands had started to tremble.

"You're not alone." His eyes did not waver from mine, as if he could give me some of his courage.

Heart racing and still tongue-tied I mustered up enough self-awareness to nod my head. With that as a signal, the beginning notes to a well-known cover of his began to play, causing my hands to go numb as a microphone was placed gently into them.

Keeping the microphone well away from me I stood on my tiptoes and whispered, "I can't do this Ben."

"Don't be afraid sweetheart. You know what to do." The crowd cheered as Ben returned his attention to them as he began to sing.

Love of my life, you've hurt me.

You've broken my heart, now you leave me.

My mouth had gone dry as I listened to the slow solemn melody. Wondering when I should or shouldn't chime in. Feeling the daggers hit their mark with each relevant lyric that hit too close to home. Trying and feeling like I was failing to harmonize as the song progressed. It felt less and less of a duet the further into the song we went and more like a knife to the heart.

When I grow older I will be there at your side to remind you.

How I still love you.

Those big brown eyes locked onto mine now and I found that try as I might I could not look away. I had missed those eyes. Missed the glimmer that would light them up every time he had truly laughed. The dimples that surfaced when he would smile. If only he would understand...could understand why I had left. Why I couldn't come back.

I still love you.

Oh, hurry back, hurry back.

How could I make him understand that I left for his betterment? To protect him and myself from future heartbreak. That to love someone means to let them go...that you can't always stay with those you begin to care for.