Realities

Just listen

You say I need to prove my worth, I need to prove I deserve you. I need to grow up and become something you can be proud of. But I don't think you really know how I feel, because I'm too difficult to understand or get along with but you can't complain about me when you don't see nor feel what I do.
But please, just listen..

I've never fallen in love before, and that scares me.
I thought I knew love but after meeting you I know that you're my first heart break. My first cry for help. My first true love. But I know I'll never be yours. Because your world revolved around her. It has, it may still, but it won't ever be around me. But please, just listen..

I've read your letter. The one marked 2017 which is folded nearly a dozen times to keep all the secrets inside. The secrets you two shared and dreamt of. The one stating " I know we argue but I wouldn't want to argue with anyone else". What's funny is I've heard those words before, in fact I said those words to you. But you probably didn't realize it because she said them first. I bet you haven't realized most of my promises and dreams I share, because you've heard them before. Unfortunately unlike them I mean it.
So please, just listen..

You are my escape..why do you think I'm so hostile when it comes to our relationship. I don't want to argue over little things I don't want to be like them I want us to be better and perfect I don't want to loose you. I don't want to wait to marry you because I want you to be my wife now. I want to introduce you as my wife. I want to build and become something with you and praise you like my mother never was. I want you to know I love and appreciate you every single day. Please..

I want to buy you flowers not because you like them but because I think of you and I want to surprise you, give you something small to let you know I was thinking about you. So every time you walk in that kitchen you know someone is thinking about you. I post about you a lot because you don't get the recognition you truly deserve. You're such a special person in my life and you need to know that. Your family needs to know that you are someone special and that you have potential. You will make a great wife and mother and I want to be the one who appreciates every single aspect you have to offer.

I'm in love with you -
I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry I'm not as perfect as I can be but I'm trying. I'm really trying to be everything you deserve...it's just complicated and takes time. I try every day to prove my worth to you, because I cannot lose you.

So please, just listen...I want you, now, tomorrow, and forever.