bipolar memoir

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Someone  was my best friend and my hero.

Someone was everything I wanted to be.
Someone put me first when someone never could.
Someone never made me feel bad about it even though I hurt someone.
Someone  was my everything.

Someone never wanted me to change.
Someone was the only one who ever loved me for being someone who is me.  
Someone always would make me feel better. Someone never made me feel stupid for barely making it through school like other someone's.
Someone never made me out as a failure like other someone’s.
Someone had faith in me.

When I was 13,

I made someone cry but I never knew until someone told me.

Someone loved me just the same.
I miss watching westerns with someone  Someone's hugs and Someone's smile

How someone always cheered me up.

Someone was always there for me.

Someone would always come to rescue me .

Someone would teach me how to save yourself and other someones.

Someone would pick me up when I fell.

Someone would be so humble to worship you when you couldn't compare to most someone's.

Someone made you feel proud.

Someone was proud of you.

Someone inspired you.

Someone encouraged you.

Someone had a short life.

Someone had a long life.

Someone's life was cut short.

Someone fought cancer.

Someone lost.

Someone won.

Someone did both.

Someone is there for me in spirit.

Someone is here in body.

Someone is here with me now.

I miss someone in body.

Someone missed my graduation but someone knew I'd make it.

Someone missed my birthday.

missed me pass a test.

missed me pass away.

missed someone's anniversary.

Someone missed nothing.

Someone saw it all.

Someone still cheered me on.

Someone helped me.

Someone saved me.

Someone saved us all.

There is a lot of someone's.

But a few are the main someone’s.

Someone who will truly be someone.

Someone who will truly be someone to someone.

By Michaela Robertson

Written August 19, 2017

Someone's birthday

Inspired by my papaw Clovis Jackson Hicks.

During this time I saw my family falling apart. It was so much I looked to pleasure because that was all I had to comfort me. My parents had too much to deal with especially with  me in the picture. They had no idea for awhile what was going on but they found out. I’m such a bad liar once they found out once I had to tell them more times because I couldn’t lie I didn’t tell them everything but a lot. I had a lot of relationships but none like Michael. This time in my life triggered some crazy. Brand new me kinda stuff and not in a good way like The Partridge Family song.

During the time after my papaw died I was with Bruce for while. I barely made my eleventh grade year I missed half of it from being a weird kind of sick that lasted for a month while papaw was in the hospital. I missed a lot of school which I really needed but even when I was in school I constantly went to councillors as much as I could. Then senior year was another manic period I was happy and doing crazy shit off and on throughout the year.  

Struggles

I struggle with a lot of things. When my depression hits that is my biggest struggle on top of everything I don’t want to move or eat. I want nothing but to feel something this is when people looked to use substances. The need to be happy is a quest that’s impossible to always fight for when you're depressed. Anxiety is real. Anxiety for me is caused by fear and overthinking everything. I get to where I can’t leave the house can't drive or go to the grocery store. I quote I relate to is I like to stay in bed cause it's too peopley outside. I struggle with insecurities caused by anxiety. I struggle with fear of death and dying of my loved ones.