bipolar memoir

The student council journey.

I have been President of Student Council fully involved in every club getting good grades and everything I seemed to better I put my past behind me like Bruce out of my life. Until I had my weak promiscuous times I went back to Bruce then Jj came into the picture. He had always been there but only has a friend. I had been in student council for ninth when I was picked to replace someone for a paid trip to Student Council Conference. That was the start of my love for student council. …….

The Summer I Found Me  
   
 Have you ever thought of the most meaningful parts in your life. The ones where you find yourself: spiritual connections, relationships, and life ceremonies, graduations, weddings, and funerals are all important times in life. My most important time in my life was the summer I truly found myself. It was the most spiritual enlightening time of my life. I was forced to get out of my bubble and experience things I never dreamed of. . It was challenging, adventurous, terrifying, spiritual but most of all that I embraced who I was like never before. It was eye opening. My experience roller coaster ride I was buckled in for but enjoyed every minute. All my life I have been scared of a lot struggling with anxiety. I always let fear hold me back.  Being in Student Council for all three and a half years of high school it all helped me face my fears. I loved it, it was a passion I had. I was definitely born a leader, but until this summer I let stuff hold me back, never truly grasping the concept of being myself with no fear. I was alone, only me and my advisor could go so I was forced to make friends so I wasn’t alone I couldn’t depend or cling to anyone else. The camp was located in Hot Springs, AR at ASMSA. Arkansas School for Mathematics, Science and Arts it’s kind of a boarding school it had dorms and everything. Hot Springs is beautiful. It is named Hot Springs after their exquisitely beautiful springs. There is nature all over creation, but not like Hot Springs it’s a little Arkansas town also known as a National Park. I love the art and murals all over. Mountains, trees, statues, and the springs at every corner. There were blue skies and green grass yet historic buildings and shops all in the downtown where we could roam. I made sure I saw as much as possible. I even climbed the mountain to see from the sky. All the radiant scenery from a bird’s eye view.

         I look around me contemplating everything that happened through the week. I felt sad knowing it was soon to be over. I knew I had to say goodbye. We all congregated around the back rounded steps of ASMSA. We all sat on the soft green grass I looks to see the neon camp tee shirts all around. I brushed the grass with my hands. I felt everything at this point. I looked up to see the moon and stars, in that moment I realized, like Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower “We are infinite”. I smiled, listening to Mr. Danny’s speech. He spoke such beautiful words I remember I cried joyous tears. I believe it was the first time I felt like I belonged somewhere. I didn’t feel alone. So many faces different colors, different features. I realized just how many different unique people there are in the world.  Not just stereotypical jocks and cheerleaders they weren’t afraid to be themselves. My mind expanded I knew how to be myself not afraid to walk alone. How to be a leader not a follower. The first candle was lit to begin the ceremony and then we passed it down lighting each others candle it was a wave. Knowing I belonged somewhere i'm not alone in my uniqueness changed my life. I looked around and saw the one hundred or so teenagers candlelights illuminating their faces, seeing so much expression I could see tears sparkling. I knew they felt just as I did.

Quoted from “Hymn” by Kesha one of my favorite artists.

“Even the stars and the moon don't shine quite like we do

Dreamers searchin' for the truth

Go on, read about us in the news
Pretty reckless, pretty wild
Talking shit, and we'll just smile
Don't you see these fuckin' crowns?
If you know what I mean, you on the team.”  This quote explains sorta the spiritual awakening I felt.i was a star and had been all along.

     This is what I experienced. I hope you experience a moment like this in your life where you find who you are, you recognize the fear that holds you back from being yourself. When you find that ignoring the pressure to change and be a stereotype be yourself. A moment where you exhale all your fears as you lie back to count the stars. I hope you feel it in your spirit just like I did.

Student council Summer Retreat.