bipolar memoir

Acid Trips

I remember the first time I took acid I did with my friend I took more than her but the next morning we both had school and I had to drive her. I couldn’t and she was tripping too the world moved slower there what colorful outlines to everything. The grass had red and blue outlines. So much went on that night thing were pixelated and the ceiling fan had red and purple outlines like a spinning flower it was amazing. I loved it but we were fucked. Guess who came to my rescue my “Prince Charming”. He came and got us dropped her off and then I went to school though I couldn’t really he helped walk my to the student center and came back for me and explained that I could go lay down in the suburban. I did I had too. To think about all that and care that much I had no idea how much it would mean to me one day. I look back on it for more than it was then.

Then Me and Michael both took acid and laughed and laughed. Everything was perfect. I had thought we were making love  the whole time but I know we didn’t. I think it was just intimacy and it felt so good. Then your aunt ruined the safe space. Even on acid I had to buck up. I saw the pain you were in he was so upset. It hurt so bad to see him hurt. I knew then it take a lot of work to help him feel loved and safe. I didn’t know know how I found. I tried calming him down and I just talked to him slowly I tried I think I helped.

Forbidden love and Adulting

We were Romeo and Juliet is against the world. Not one supported us except each other but that was enough. We had plans of moving into together I wanted nothing more to spend every waking moment together. Two fifty plus bills was not bad at all. We could do it. I loved him and fell for him more and more everyday. We searched and searched for an apartment but had no luck. Michael also had to go get a social security card after his was lost and of course we went together. James my coworker and friend had a roommate in the house they shared soon to move out.

We moved in around July  just before summer semesters started. We made our plans and I knew he had to have his vehicle working to move out. Gary my families farm worker whom I love greatly so did my papaw helped us he got it running. It had its problems and it took days but we had gotten it done. Before then Michael and I had to find a way to see each other until then. We had to spend more time in town. Until I had a brilliant idea after work we would often meet on my families land. We bought an air mattress to put in the back of the truck it was sometimes cold but we had so much fun

smoking and talking on those nights.

It is a Dodge Dakota.

My model. My muse.

I miss those nights now. We fought and went through so much trouble to see each other him more than I. He had to blow up the air mattress I just happened to have a blanket. I was usually disgusting and smelled like chicken. He didn’t mind I suppose he loved me anyway. Even though he dislikes  most chicken. Not to mention we could’ve been arrested. We didn’t die in the end though we just hung on. Poor Romeo and Juliet.