You Found Me

Two

2

If there's a history for moving on too fast, I could be a great forerunner candidate to beat the record. Apparently, the revelation that I uncovered didn't shock my world to the core.

But it made me realize... how lonely this world is.

How the people you trust the most could easily betray and leave you behind. How one day you're on top of the surface and the next thing you know, you're sinking in the depths... and now it's too late to realize that you're completely drowning and no one is there to save you.

It is such a lonely world, indeed.

For a moment, I just stand in front of our doorsteps, staring at our old, wooden door, wondering how old it really is, and wondering again how old it can get.

I don't know why I always find myself like this every time I get home and there's a need to go through the front door. I usually just stand there for a couple of moments, letting myself drown in my thoughts, no matter how trivial it is.

Maybe it's because I would do anything to buy more time before I face what's waiting for me on the other side of this door. I silently wish for it to transform into a portal that would bring me somewhere... somewhere where I can feel like I truly belong. But I always end up opening the same door over and over again. The door that leads to reality my reality.

However, to my dismay, it looks like I will have a hard time thinking of other things due to today's sudden turn of events. I have no choice but to grace our front door since I am not in my best situation right now, especially with this aching feet of mine. I know I can be a bit stubborn, but I wouldn't risk my life over my pride. I realize there's going to be more casualties when that happens and adding more inconvenience to my already dire situation is the least thing I need right now.

Besides, I need to show up in our front door every once in a while or they'll get suspicious how the hell do I get in.

I blow a loud breath for the last time before heading inside.

"Ma'am, Elle, good thing you're here."

I am almost thankful that the new Nanny, Yaya Nel, is the one to meet me when I open the door. Albeit, I find her a bit nosy, it's better than actually facing the people that I actually want to avoid.

I'm sure her enthusiasm will rub off soon. She will eventually realize that this is not one of those stories where the protagonist works in a perfectly made family.

I immediately notice that unusual silence enveloping the whole house. Unfortunately, she catches the expression I'm wearing because she adds, "Maam Lucy had an emergency appointment earlier this afternoon. They still haven't gone back." She leaves the words hanging in the air as if she's expecting me to ask follow up questions. But I bury whatever sign of curiosity left in my system before she hints it and instead just give her a curt nod to dismiss her.

This is how I am for the past seven years. I tried living like I don't care. I avoid any interactions as much as possible and let all the questions I have stayed inside my head.

"Do you want me to prepare the table for you or do you want to want to eat with them?

I almost cringe at her question. I might have a bigger problem tolerating her if this continues. I can't wait for the 'soon' to arrive already.

"No I'm good, I already turn my back at her. Just tell them that I already ate outside if in case they ask." I add as I start to tread the stairs two steps at a time. But then she speaks again.