You Found Me

Fourteen

       14

        That day, Hapon was rushed to the hospital and I knew from then on that this is the start of the inevitable that I'm scared of.

       I know that by now. I knew it since then.

       I remembered the quote I got that day when I flicked the book open in the library.

       He who feels the benefit should feel the burden.

       It doesn't make sense to me back then. Perhaps it's not really what I needed that time.

       But I've learned in the long run that some words were just waiting to be unfolded at the right time. This is it. I think this is the right time when it should make sense. But it feels so wrong.

       I believe that our lives always come with two things. The good and the bad, the cause and effect. Every actions, every decisions, every choices have its own consequences. Everything.

       But I can't help but wonder if it's really necessary. Why can't we just choose one? Why are we forced to experience two? Maybe it's because if we were given the liberty to do so, no one will choose the ugly, the bitter, and the painful. We would just take everything for granted, and we wouldn't know the real essence of life.

       Perhaps we're passed ahead with the better days, and we're now going through the trying times.

       Now we're feeling the burden of our benefit.

       Everyday he's getting weaker and weaker. His weight drops in one swift. The skin covering him becomes so pale that it looks like all the blood in his body is taken out of him.

      The once black, healthy, and curly hair, serving as his crowning glory, is now completely gone, not showing any signs that it will grow back to life.

      I know that you don't get to hate the life you had because it's turning ugly. Instead, you got to learn to love it even more in its worst.

      But right now, even though all I ever want is to keep away from all the negativities, life just keeps testing me.

      And what I hate the most is when everybody starts referring him as terminally ill.

      Terminal. Like he won't make it for long. How can they say that? How can they be so sure?

      Is it because he can't stand on his own feet? Is it because he is currently confined in the hospital for almost a month now? Is it because of the number of doses of medicine he takes every day and the long tubes connected in his body that aid him to breathe?

      Those trivial things don't determine how long he will live.

      He can and he will. There's still a chance, there's still hope.

      Dad and Lucy won't let me visit him during schooldays after they've heard about what happened to me in school.

      They can't do that, especially now. I need all the time I can get to be with him.

      So here I am. I feel like sneaking and committing a crime. Maybe it would feel less like it if I'm not wearing my uniform. But I can't go home and change and risk them knowing about me going here. We don't have our last class and it's not yet time for our driver to come and pick me up, so I took the chance to visit him so instead, I commuted on my way even though, I'm going against them.