You Found Me

Twelve

12

    Days drag into months and for every single one of it, we cherish like it's only made for us.

       I've never valued anything more than this and I've never realized how I took so many things for granted, until now.

      You know that feeling when you just lie in bed, tired or not? And you slowly fall asleep, feeling confident that you'll wake up with a new day waiting for you?

      I stop feeling that. Right now, for every yesterday that passed Im not sure if there's tomorrow to come for us. The only thing certain is 'now', the very moment that we are in. And so we make the most of it.

     I wake up yet to another day, like the usual. Well, except that today is my birthday.

     I guess,  when it's your birthday you kind of have this automatic declaration that it's yours, that even if there's a huge probability that you share the same birthdate with another human being, it doesn't mean nonetheless that its only made for you.  But not me.

     I stopped getting excited ever since I was seven.

     I always considered that as the day when it all started. When life had never been the same to me. I just got so used to it that it became normal.

       The cakes, the presents, the surprises, didn't make me happy anymore. I always thank the people around me and smile whenever they greet me, but that's just that. 

       If there's one thing I would like to get on my birthday, it should be a holiday, where I can shut myself from the world. But it doesn't work that way.  I still need to go to school or do my day to day routine in the end.

       I stare at my phone, no text or call from him. We were talking on the phone last night, like almost every other night. I would totally understand if he doesn't greet me.  I mean, I don't think he has any idea that it's my birthday today, and that's totally fine with me.

      Shortly, after I got out of my room, Lily together with Lucy suddenly pops in front of me.

      “Happy Birthday, Ate!”

      I smile and hug her tight. Like every other year, Lily would greet me the very first thing in the morning. But this is the first time that I'll hug her after she does.

      My morning turned out pretty great.  We ate together. Whether I admit it or not, I know I am slowly warming up to them. Dad's even the one who sent me to school today. I mean he always offer to do it. But I always decline. I don't want to bother him.

       Everything seems normal when I entered the classroom. I made a reputation not to disclose my personal information as much as possible. No one dares to greet me personally aside from Cleo. 

       I don't want people to greet me like it's their obligation, or to treat me differently because it's my day. I don't want them to make me feel special because I know it won't last long.  Nothing hurts like temporary.

      I'm about to put the notebooks under my desk when I feel something there.

      I reach and unfold it.