Over and Over

Chapter 5

(Holly's P.O.V)

I sat in the corner of my couch in my bedroom; with James's guitar in my lap. I felt wrong to play it. Like I know before I always used to 'borrow' it and learn by myself but now it just feels wrong. Well everything does nowadays I guess.

The funeral was tomorrow, Liz and Danny had everything sorted. Except they freak out over everything. I didn't want to be near them, I don't think you would either! But to be honest I didn't want to be near anyone. Everyone is just so annoying and clingy.

I have two rules and they are; Don't kiss me and other than that I have no rules. And if you wanted to know, 4 horrible, sloppy boys kissed me about a gazillion times throughout this week. So not hardcore! Some girls may say that I'm an idiot or a bitch, but ... I've grown up with them. It's just ... Ew! On the other hand I love them and I can't blame them for loving me!

I was practicing my speech and my song I was supposed to do tomorrow. Although I weren't too sure anymore. I practiced in front of my mirror, strumming James's guitar to the chords of the song, sitting on my couch, but I kept breaking down. I wanted to do this, but I couldn't. It is just so irritating, My nerves and insecurities just get the best of me.

There was a knock on the door; I quickly wiped my face, to make it look I weren't crying and faced down at the acoustic. "Dinner's ready?" It was Luke, poking his face through the door with an anonymous in the background. "What you up to?" He asked as he walked over to the couch beside me with a Michael following him and he sat on my bed cuddling Snoots! My dad gave him to me when I was 3 probably and Michael came up with the name.

"Nothing really."

"Do you play?" Michael asked.

"A bit, I wanted to play something for ... Mum and James after the funeral, at the reception after."

"That's awesome! Do you want any help?"

"I think I'll be fine. Thanks." My face remained staring at the guitar as I plucked the strings lightly.

"Jay would be so mad at you for taking his guitar!" Luke stated.

"I don't think he'd mind... I'm only borrowing it!" I threw a smile at them. However if James was here today, he'd possibly kill... no, he'd be blowing up with fury! He never let me or Liam in his room as if there was gold in there or something. He was always a granddad... always was grumpy git!

Liam still had no change in his health and was still at the hospital. I was only allowed to go for a couple hours everyday because the doctor said I could have a bad affect on myself. I didn't think it was fair or a valid reason, but I couldn't argue either... I'm too tired for that.

"Now, food!" Michael whined. He looked like a small puppy with his white dyed hair and black patch.

"I'm not hungry! You guys go!"

"No! You haven't eaten since we gotten back and that is since WEDNESDAY!"

"I do eat!"

"Liar! Your always in your room, come out!"

"I'm not 'coming out'" Luke and Michael looked at me confused and burst out laughing.

"Please! Ashton's downstairs..." Michael sang,

"And?"

"He is your ship, ain't he?" I love how I treat them as brothers but they get the wrong side of everything,... Their fans are freaking crazy! They made this up...

"No.... But I'll come, but not to eat. I'm not hungry."

"Not even for pizza?"

"I'll be down later then." I sung.