On Icarus Wings

Ocean (heron 3)

You saw me
drowning in the sea that is
the depths of my soul
and you tried to
save me from the demons that
lurked in the murky waters
but
I pleaded you
let me.

Let me drown
in these waters
and I will finally learn to swim.
I begged you to
stop
trying to save me
because it is not my heart that is broken
it is my soul
that is littered in cracks
and rivets and
you can mend a heart but you
cannot mend a soul.

So let me
drown
in myself,
let me explore
the holes that will never be filled,
that will never go away.
Let me
sit in them and become familiar
with the pain
until it is but a dull ache
in the back of my mind
and not
a gaping hole in my chest.
Because you
cannot save me from what is not there
and you cannot replace
what is missing.

Let me
learn to open my eyes
in the salt waters of myself
so I can finally see
the beauty of the ocean.
and let me drown to the depths
that you try to save me from
so I can see my demons
and learn to love them -
so I can finally love
all of myself,
not just the parts
the sunlight shines on.

I beg you:
stop
trying to save me.

Let me
be
by myself
in what you call loneliness
but what I know to be
solitude.

Give me time
to become familiar with
the deepest waters
I have learned to fear.
Give me space
to unlearn that doubt
and to become used to
the ache and pain
that I now carry.
Give me solitude,
I plead,
so I can learn to love my demons,
love myself completely -
with no exceptions,
with no monsters
I cannot face.

And one day
I will show you
all of the ocean
that is my soul.
I will show you
the beauty
that flows in ebbs and tides
through the sunkissed waters
and that
lays hidden in the depths
of the deepest sea.

I will show you that
even the strongest current and the largest ripple
cannot stir me,
for I have
whirlpools in my soul,
I have
hurricanes and tsunamis
waging war
in me
and I have learned to
accept them
when I could not
calm them.

I will show you
that I have learned
to love myself, all of myself,
first.
And then,
only then,
will I open up my chest
and show you all of my
holes and cracks and broken pieces
and the heart
that still beats
in the center of it all.

I will welcome you
to my shores
and even if you cannot swim
in my ocean
I will walk away
with something more valuable than your love -
my own.

So please,
I plead,
stop
trying to save me
because I
cannot be saved
from myself.
Just
let me
be
in the ocean
of my soul.

- she was the only lover she had ever needed

Heron (Broken wings): love poems to the soul searching for acceptance within the reflection.

Author's Note: You are loved and worthy of love unconditionally, but the acceptance you should value the most is your own. And you are deserving of that acceptance, though it may not come easily. So be kind with yourself. Give yourself time. Space. Solitude. Try to understand yourself. Try to accept yourself as a human being that is deserving of love; acknowledge that you are worth every breath and every moment.

Self-love may be an exhausting cycle of love and hate, of being content one day and self-loathing the next. But through it, you'll grow and find yourself. Keep fighting, keep finding, keep trying. You are not alone in this, and you are not hopeless. You are worthy. beautiful. loved. Be kind to yourself. <3

~ Thank you so, so much for 1 year and 6k reads. You all bring me so much joy and hope. ~