Not A Second Time (John Lennon Fanfic)

Chapter 18.

"Fuckin John Lennon and his stupid friends. Who are The Beatles anyway? Sure they seem innocent and sweet. But who are they really? I'll tell you. Lying, cheating, no good assholes who just use women for sex. Drugs and sex drugs and sex. What the hell did I sign up for!?" I yelled as I folded the clean laundry.

Michelle gave me a small sympathetic smile and put out her cigarette.

"You know, when you called me I was really happy. Now..."

I sighed. "I'm sorry Michelle I didn't mean to lash out."

"...I'm grateful." She finished. She walked over to me and gave me a warm hug. I hugged her back and shook my head.

"I'm really glad you flew over just to see me."

"Yeah well, I needed a break from work. I um, heard about the magazine."

I nodded an sat down with her outside on the balcony.

"Yeah. At the end, Andrew was getting in a mood. He just wasn't happy. I mean having a wife he didn't love, a kid he wasn't ready for...It just took a huge toll on him and it hurt his job. Majorly."

"Im sorry Luce. I know you and Andrew were really close."

"I love him...I really really do." I said looking down.

"Then why are you here?"

I stayed quiet and looked up at the sky. "Because I love John. I can't leave him. No matter how much I try to leave him...I always come back. No matter how bad he treats me."

She leaned over and held my hand. "I know how you feel."

I looked at her. "What do you mean. Paul?"

She nodded. "Theres a lot of things he hasn't told you about us."

"Us? Wha...are you two still..?"

She nodded.

"What about Jane??" I asked. She shrugged and looked around.

"I visit now and then. He calls, sends me letters. We kept in contact this whole time. He tells me all Jane is, is a good time. Nothing serious."

I squeezed her hand. "Do you believe him?"

She swallowed and ran a hand through her hair. "I'd like to. But he stays with her. Then I remember you and all you had to deal with when John was with Cynthia. And I wonder if..maybe.."

"Paul's doin the same thing with you." I finished.

She nodded. I really did like Michelle. She was really sweet and friendly. And I rarely got along with any other females. Unlike me, she kept her thoughts to herself and didn't sleep around. I wonder if she knew about me and Paul.

"I'm sure he loves you. These men just don't hold onto someone. Usually it's just one night stands and then they make the girl hit the road. He must really really want you in his life."

She gave me a small smile. "You think?"

I smiled and stood up. "I know. Look, let's go back in. John should be back in a few. Does he know you're here?"

She shook her head. "I wasn't planning on telling him yet. Do you mind if I..."

"Stay here? Of course you can. I'll let John know alright?"

"Okay. Thank you Lucy. You really are a good person. I don't understand why all those other girls hate you so much." She said walking into the kitchen. "Tea?"

"Thanks." I said. I thought about her words. If only she knew....I hope to god I never make her hate me.

..

Me and John sat in bed, smoking a few joints and just enjoying each others company. After a few hours at the studio, he came home stressed and cursing to himself.

He was fine with Michelle staying a few days, but he warned her about mine and his little special activities we do all night. She didn't mind since she was hoping to go out and do some sight seeing. I knew it was an excuse to go to Paul's.

"Do you think she'll be okay?" I asked, laying between John's legs. My head resting on his stomach.

"Who? Paul?"

I giggled. "I said she babe. I mean Michelle. Paul better not break her heart."

He chuckled. "Ye really care about her huh?"

I nodded. "She's a sweet girl. I just don't want her to end up like me."

He looked at me. "Why do ye say that?"

I sat up and looked down. "I'm not a good girl John. I'm a bitch. Why do you love me?"

He sat up and pulled me against his body, rocking me back and forth in his arms. "Because I do. You're beautiful, unique, sweet, and amazing in bed. So what if we have flaws. Major, questionable flaws.."

I giggled as he kissed my cheek.

"...but we love each other. That's all that matters."

I smiled. "That is all that matters huh. I love you John. You're beautiful mind, forgiving heart, amazing lover."

He smirked and made silly noises as he nibbled in my earlobe. I laughed and shoved him off.

"John stop it."

"Never. Come on, let's try for that baby again." He moved his hands down my waist. I sighed and shook my head.

"John..we can't."

He looked at me confused. "The sex or the baby?"

I laughed a little and looked at him seriously. "The baby. John we've been trying for awhile now without any protection. We have sex practically everyday and we still haven't gotten knocked up." I pouted.

"I know love. But it takes time."

"Not this much time John. And I feel bad that I can't seem to make a child with you. Cynthia was able to give you a child and..." i began to cry.

"Shhh. Come on Lucy don't hurt yourself like this."

"It's true. I feel useless."

He pulled me to lay with him and snuggled me in his arms. I nuzzled my face into his chest. I felt safe.

"You're not useless love. You're my belle. My beautiful diamond."

I smiled and looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"Yes. Please don't cry anymore. I hate seein ye sad." He stroked my hair. "I forgot to tell ye, Cyn is coming by tomorrow to drop off little Julian for the weekend. It seems since your little date night a few weeks ago, he's been bragging about ye constantly."

I giggled. "Yeah? I can't wait. I do love him John. He's adorable. Just like his daddy."

He laughed and kissed my forehead. "I was really nervous the first time you two met. I mean I didn't know if he'd take a shining to ye or not. But...he liked ye alright."

I smiled. "Why don't you take a break from the music these next few days? Maybe the three of us can spend some time together...as a family?"

"I love the way that sounds love. As for now..." he smirked, sliding his hand up my shirt. "Let's try for that baby."

.....