FALLEN (NOW PUBLISHED ON AMAZON)

63.

His lips are warm and inviting. They mould mine with a very soft tenderness that both surprises me and pleases me. I feel physically good in his arms and under his control, so I let myself go and enjoy this moment. It lasts not more than a few seconds, but this kiss feels good. But good doesn't mean that it feels special. My bond with him is special and he is very special to me, but I don't feel the sparks as I do when Marcel kisses me. It's good and it's sweet, but it isn't Marcel.

Realising that, I part from him gently and look into his eyes. They stay closed for the time he parts from me, I look down at his lips. They are a pretty shade of dark pink, just as I remember, but I don't feel an envy to kiss them again, not like I did in the past.

He doesn't say anything, and so don't I. I stay seated by his side, but I don't mould into him like I did seconds ago, and I do not keep my hand into his. He got what he wanted, and it made me realise what I truly wanted.

We finally arrive in the heart of Edinburgh. I insist on paying the taxi and I let him guide me to a bar. We walk about five minutes around my hotel to find something suitable and we settle on something called The Voodoo Rooms. The big black doors and the front sign appeal us enough to get in. By looking at the closing hours on the door, it's maybe an hour before the closing time of 1AM.

I look up at Ash to get an approval of the bar, but he puts a hand to my back to guide me inside. The ambiance is very warm and fun. The place is pretty crowded, but not at full capacity. It's not a very big bar, but it seems to go quite deep out back.

Ash and I settle on the first places we see on the corner of the bar. It takes a few seconds before the barman comes to see us. Ash orders a pint and I decide to do the same. I lean on the counter and look at him. He notices my stare and smiles widely to me.

"What do you think is happening right now with Sophie and Lucas?" I ask him and it makes him lose his smile quickly. He didn't think I was thinking about that at all. His surprise shows.

He takes a moment to think about it, and in the meantime our beers are served in front of us. I take my glass and sip the super cold bronze liquid. I feel it sliding down inside me smoothly. I put down my glass on the counter of the bar and look back at Ash. I lean on the counter and rest my head on my hand.

It doesn't take long once I'm in this position to feel sleep taking over me. I fight it to look at Ash. It's our last time together, I can't be disrespectful to him and fall asleep in his face. I can hang on for an hour. After that I'll feel free to end the night and go to sleep in my room at The Balmoral.

"I think Lucas needs a good reality check on what he wants in life. All he knows is that he wants to perform his music on stage. Is his addiction worth losing her? I don't know..." He concludes with a big sip of his beer to avoid talking too much about it.

I lean more comfortably my head against my hand and look at him. His eyes find mine, but they don't stare for long. He seems to be avoiding something.

"If Lucas has an addiction, then why did you take some? It's easier to forgive somebody who has a problem, but if you are aware and conscious of the consequences... I don't get why."

"And I don't get why you always come back to that." He exclaims with a frown, looking at me with severe annoyance, but ultimately looks down at his glass.

I sigh deeply. I didn't want to upset him, I wanted to understand him better. I guess I'm not going to see him again, or at least for a very long time, so why bother...

I straighten myself on my stool to look straight ahead and take my glass to drink the liquid the most I can in one time. I put it down, almost empty, and get down the stool next to Ash. I put a hand on his shoulder and rub it tenderly.