FALLEN (NOW PUBLISHED ON AMAZON)

57.

"I think I've fallen in love with you, Grace." Ashley says to me, being very serious. He looks at me straight in the eyes and I think I can hear my heart pumping in my chest. I shouldn't have said anything! "I know this isn't ideal. You have your book and I have my tour, but you've been such a great influence of me."

"And you've helped me too, Ashley, but your whole life is in Australia. We've known from the start this couldn't work." I let out from the top of my head. I'm suddenly so nervous and my heart aches for him. I feel so bad. If only he knew that I'm with Marcel, he never would have thought that I was leading him on.

"I don't care right now. I'd fly to Japan if that's where you were. Why don't you love me?"

"I don't want you to think I am indifferent towards you. This is the sweetest thing you could have ever said to me, but we are both realising our dreams and it comes with a lot of baggage. We can't be a burden for each other." I try to not to break his heart because he truly means the world to me.

He is such a nice man and he has always treated me like a queen from the day we met. He's the reason I know my own worth now...

"I don't know what to say right now..." He sighs with a heavy heart and looks down again.

"I love you, Ashley. I really do, but we're not meant to be." I decide to tell, and I'm being very genuine about this. I'm just not in love with him. "You can literally have any girl you want. You just need to pay attention, and you'll see I'm not that special."

He chuckles and sighs, taking his head in both of his hands, elbows resting on his folded knees. It hurts to see him like this. I never would have thought his feelings for me could run so deep... I would never have thought he would have feelings for me at all.

I slide closer to him on the floor and caress his back circularly for a few seconds. I feel bad that I can't reciprocate his feelings. I love Marcel and I don't think it will ever change.

Ash straightens himself and I take back my hand before he presses his back to the wall the way it was. He sighs again and I decide to take his hand in mine to give a soft squeeze. Looking at his calloused hand, it reminds me of so many memories.

***

It's so dark here, at the boys's flat. I don't think there's more than a window. Ash and I are only lighted by the brightness of the telly as we are playing video games. Even though I am in a winning strike, I seem to lose focus on the game.

I am sitting on the futon alone as Ash is sitting on the floor right in front of me. He brings his hands high in front of him, always clicking multiple buttons on his remote to try to dominate the game I seem to have lost all interest in.

I look at his hands and think about how agile they are. It makes me wonder for how many years he has been playing the drums and for how long they have been a band.

"Since I was seven", he answers and I learn they have been a band for four years.

It's quite an achievement to be able to tour the UK and Europe after four years of being a band.

My attention goes back to his hands. He has long and strong fingers. His nails are squared and cleanly trimmed. I love to see the passion with which he does everything. I see the passion in his hands when he plays the drums, and I see it now, with the remote.

I put down mine and lean in so that my arms circle his neck and caress their way downwards. I rest my head against his and sneak a few kisses in the crook of his neck. I can't help but smile.