Orphanage AU: Lams

Bonus Chapter: Jeff/Mads lunch Date

The Jeff/Mads lunch date mentioned in Another Shot... I love you all so much!!

 ---Thomas' POV---

"James." I had to break the silence, because the whole walk was an agonizing silence and I couldn't take it any longer.

James didn't reply, but he met my eyes over the table, sending me a yes, go on look that I never thought I'd see from him. Christ. I shifted, as though it might help me find my footing in this new dynamic where I was on the bottom asking him for help up.

James sighed. "Yes Thomas?" He pushed my tapping fingers gently over the table so I stopped fiddling and I couldn't stop tingling where our skin touched.

Now that I had his attention, though, all my thoughts had flown out of my head. How I had ever been able to deny these feelings seemed beyond me now, but some of me still ached to throw myself backwards when my walls hadn't crumbled to a dust.

"I..." love your eyes. Want to kiss you. Think you're beautiful. Love your mouth. Love you. "Nevermind." I couldn't think of any of the right things to say.

But then again, I guessed that might be the wrong thing too, when James dropped his fork and crossed his arms. "Thomas Jefferson- no, look at me- if you want this to work, you need to give me something to work with."

"I-"

"I am not gonna just sit here and let you take-"

"Jemmy listen."

"No, you listen. You are right here, right now. Do something with it. I'm not going to be part of a one sided relationship-" one sided? I loved you and I still love you and I love you even more now. " because that hurts too much-" oh. "and I'm not doing that again-"

"I love you." I blurted out, watching his fingers stop fumbling with his napkin. I clenched my hands to keep them from trembling.

"Oh," Jemmy said in a small voice. Color warmed his cheeks, neck, and down the collar of his shirt and I shifted underneath his stare, my heart racing. I didn't even mean to say that. I wasn't supposed to and he wasn't ready and quite frankly, neither was I and now he still hadn't said anything very substantial and I could actually feel a trickle of sweat make its way down my back.

Oh? Was that good? Did that mean it's okay?

Or was it a different oh, like, oh, how dare you after you were such an asshole...

"You seem upset," Jemmy observed, all careful like I might've shattered under his words.

I might've.

It's nothing, I almost dismissed, but I stopped. Give me something to work with.

"You weren't ready to hear that," I pointed out instead, staring at him as if his every move might've hinted at me towards whether he was about to say something that would break my heart.

"No, I wasn't," Jemmy replied evenly, and I let out a hopeless groan. "But you were, and that means a lot to me."

---Jame's POV---

I let two of my fingers slide, palm up, under Thomas' hand and curl up so our fingers were loosely linked. I fought the urge to hold tighter.

Too far too fast would mean more hurt, and I wasn't ever going to make the mistake of letting someone else who didn't care about my heart own it, not again.

And yet... he did.

The air hummed, thick with Thomas' emotions. He never was one to bottle it, and now that he was trying, I could feel them flowing off of him in waves.

Nervous. Afraid. Was he afraid of- of messing things up with me? Or maybe he was afraid of... being gay. It came to me in a flash that Thomas didn't live like me or think like me. He wasn't me.

And just like that I understood that this- letting me see him- was so much of a bigger deal than me letting him have me.

He had chosen to dive into his deepest fear- for me.

"I..." It seemed as though all Thomas wanted to do was sit and stare at me, this odd smile on his face that reminded me a lot of myself.

"Sorry," Thomas finally muttered, still not meeting my eyes. He crossed his arms as though to fortify himself. You could've cut the tension with a knife.

But if you cut it, it's still there. I needed it gone, so I slipped around to sit next to him, leaving my plate. We both knew this wasn't about the food anyway.

I let my eyes comb over his face- springing, tight curls that I loved to run my fingers through and deep, rich brown eyes. I missed him.

Thomas' eyes flickered up to mine like they intended to go back down, but something kept them together once they met. "Everything," he whispered, swallowing. "Especially Sally. You hated that."

Oh god, Sally. "Yeah. I did. I hated the way you treated her. It wasn't her fault you didn't like her." I nudged his shoulder softly. "And I was so jealous."

The light in Thomas' eyes sparked in my heart like a torch lighting the way. I reached for his hand, and he took it gently, as though I might break, and then tightly as though I might pull out of his grasp.

As if I might change my mind.

I didn't.

I wanted them to kiss and then I realized I said their first kiss was later, in the rain (In the Epilogue). I literally couldn't ask for a more wonderful readership, so thank you so much, everyone!!

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