Orphanage AU: Lams

Chapter 45: Back to Earth

Weird name. WTF was I thinking when I drafted this?

---Alex's POV---

Just when I thought I was safe, all the memories came right back. I felt like a teenager all over again, in one moment I would be heart wrenchingly, miserably recalling my mother, the next above a clouds reflecting in John's affection for me and his bi-ness, which gave me a fighting chance. I had adopted the routine of attempting to calculate my chances.

100% because he liked guys, and I was a guy.

Decreased to 2% because he probably knew about 25 other prospective guys our age, one of which included me.

Increase to around 20% because I hung out with him more than all the other possible partners, unless they hid very well and/or I was extremely imperceptive. This meant I had him mostly to myself, if my calculations were correct.

Once more increased to 35% because he actually appeared to tolerate my presence. Which was very inadvisable, considering the death rate of people I burdened with my company.

And back down to 2% because who the hell would ever be attracted to a person like me?

I trapped myself, calculating the same percentages again and again, a minimum of once every 5 minutes, despite my current occupation of teaching. It was as if I couldn't help but hope that if I continuously endevored to find my exact chance, the number would stop dropping that one last time. It never did.

At least it kept my mind off my past, which had come back to haunt me again. I still couldn't conceive why. Or why it went away before.

I had two consecutive periods left to teach after this one and I had gradually acquired the insistent need for a caffeinated drink over the past hour. The period was over in a few minutes. I resolved to get coffee during the passing period coming up. I'd have to run, but I could technically manage it.

I tried typing up a thesis statement I was working on, but my brain wouldn't stop screaming coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee!

Just a couple more minutes...

"Hey Alex," I almost replied, Mr. Hamilton, please, and then I realized it wasn't a student. The individual that approached me had a voice that was gulpy and wretched, coming from the direction of the door.

"Oh my goodness, are you alright?" I gaped at James Madison standing in the doorway of the classroom looking lost. His face was streaked with tears and moulded by an unusual mix of heartbreak and accomplishment. "What happened?" It took minimal time for me to get to the door.

James didn't answer my question, which I was relatively positive was an indicator that it was in correlation to Jeffershit. Instead, he inquired, "Care for a break? I need a distraction."

I grinned in relief, but was also somewhat troubled. A distraction from what, exactly? "Your timing is impeccable," I informed him, gesturing for him to replace me. "I was considerably losing my sanity over my horrific lack of coffee."

"Well, I'd love to take your place," James assured me with a watery, forced smile.

I exited the classroom eagerly, but called behind me, "If you ever find a need to vent or someone to support you, I'm always right here!"

I watched the bright worksheets slipping past on the light blue wall and pondered the possible causes of James' distress. Thomas, probably. I suddenly realized I never disliked James, I only had hatred for Jeffershit. I had just wrongly grouped them together, letting my evident dislike for Jeffershit leak into what I thought about James. I felt really, really bad for James. However, I knew he was stronger than he seemed. He'd make it. I knew that.

The sidewalk was a lighter shade of gray than the sky, signaling that a storm might come back, right was the signs of the last one began to fade.

Sipping my coffee, I thought tearfully of the people who had passed: my mother, brother, and cousin that committed suicide. In all honesty, was suicide such a bad way to go? It would be quick, and it would all end.

The eternal pain of life-

What the hell? What was I thinking? Why had my mind strayed so dark at only the sight of an oncoming storm? To replace the dangerous musings, I resorted to contemplating exactly what Jeffershit had done to hurt James so much, and whether Jeffershit, too, was truly unhappy or angry.

I was just watching a wet splotch on the cement dry up and considering if it would be wise to avoid a potentially furious Jeffershit when said asshole's fist met my face.

---James' POV---

"Uh, hello? Mr.?" A teenager approached my desk, snapping his gum. "Where's Mr. Hamilton?"

I was mildly concerned that he wasn't back from getting coffee, but I figured Alex just didn't feel like coming back. If I was him, I'd go back to my dorm and chill, so I understood if that was what Alex was doing.

"Out." I decided to say, welcoming the distraction. I didn't want to be that one guy that called it off and then wallowed over not being together. I would not wallow.

"When is he getting back? He was going to explain the rubric or some shit." More gum snapping. "Sorry," he corrected himself without being sorry. "Something."

"I'm not some uptight grammar and language freak," I laughed good naturedly, without real malice. Or, well, I tried to laugh. "It's fine."

"But when's he getting back?" the teen persisted. "Do we have you for the rest of the period or...?"

I sighed, knowing that even though the questions were a nice distraction, it was mean to continue to dodge them.

With a shrug, I glanced over at the time. He'd been gone for over an hour. I chose to answer honestly. "I don't know."

I don't think I can make Henry part of the community. That would be terrible. So I have to revise my goal of making everyone LGBTQI+ because I can't have the only straight person be a monster.

                    -The Worst Writer on Wattpad