Not Weak, Just Stronger

Chapter 11: Miami For Two

A/N: Song is "f u til i f u" by Call Me Karizma ft. Cass.

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'I just wanna say fuck you 'til I fuck you again. I think I've had enough of you, but I don't wanna lose a friend. I'm gonna love you forever. That's just my curse, it's whatever.'

"I figured this is the place you'd be when everyone else is looking for you," Lauren's voice sounded to disrupt the silence.

Camila turned around briefly to see Lauren walking through the sand, approaching her slowly and with caution in case Camila was mad or anything. She turned back around and watched the waves constantly reach and splash against the shore, feeling the early morning sunrise just barely beginning to hit her skin. The breeze was cool and the water helped, the sky was still a dark blue but faded and full of singing birds, and the smell of the ocean fused with Lauren's current scent of weed and Chanel Mademoiselle. The older woman took a seat next to Camila and hugged her knees while they both looked out at the ocean together.

"I feel like you're looking for you here," Lauren finished.

"Looking for you, actually," Camila shocked Lauren with her correction.

"What do you mean?" Lauren turned her head to look at her now. Camila clearly didn't sleep, her eyes were as tired as she was. Lauren was in that same boat. "I was in bed waiting for you."

"That's not what I meant, Lauren," said Camila dryly.

"Well what, then?"

"What did we do last friendsgiving when we were all together?" Camila looked down at the sand she played with now.

Lauren thought about it, realised where they were, then pursed her lips and bowed her head. She poured her heart out on this very beach and she had a feeling Camila was about to do the same. "Right. You mean you're looking for that Lauren." Camila nodded. "Well she's still here...if you'd just open your eyes and looked."

"My eyes are open and can clearly see she isn't sitting with me at all. The Lauren from that day was scared to let me in and reveal her feelings to me but went ahead and did it because she actually wanted me in her life as something more than a good fuck," she laughed ironically then wiped her nose, sniffling. Lauren couldn't tell if she had been crying or not.

'We hate to give in but we're hardly living comfortably. I hate you because you think that you are still in love with me. It's time we drift apart. We're blind and in the dark. I kinda wanna care but it's kinda too late to start. And here you are hitting my line, hitting rewind on the past for the 50th time. Come on, tell me what do you think. Wanna lay down up in the clouds or under the sheets?'

"Why would you say that? Obviously I want you as more than tha—where is this coming from? Did you or did you not seduce me into having sex with you?"

"Except I didn't. I was vulnerable, I said what my heart felt at the time, I asked you to let me go if you're happy and I can't have you. You're the one who came onto me and I only entertained it because it was the only way I knew I'd have you. You're still with Sabrina, Lauren, obviously I'm just a toy to you."

Lauren was trying really hard to not get mad. Camila clearly had a long rough night, she didn't wanna make it all worse by screaming at her. So she grit her teeth and kept her voice low. "I broke up with Sabrina just to be with you."

"You're lying," her voice strained in a way that sounded like she was tired.

"Why don't you trust me?"

"Because you don't trust me!" Camila shouted at the ocean then brought her gaze to Lauren. There was always this panic in her eyes, even now with the way she looked at Lauren. "We don't trust each other, but you give me a lot more reasons to not trust you!"