More Than I Should

Chapter 10- "Theory"

*Y/n's POV*

I hear footsteps approach my door and I hurry up and pretend I'm asleep. I don't want to deal with them right now, whoever it is. Probably Hanji.

*knock knock*

"Y/n, you okay?" I stay silent, hoping that she'll leave. She opens the door and looks at me. "I know you're not asleep. What's wrong?" Then, I see Petra walk in.

"Nothing. I'm fine," I say, face stoned. (Not like that)

"There's something wrong. I know there is," Hanji insists.

"I don't know. I don't think I want to be on the Scouts."

"What why?" Petra asks.

"Because I'm not as strong as you think I am. I'm weak, emotionally. It's supposed to be expedition before emotion, but I let my emotions run wild. How am I going to survive out there?"

"Y/n. You are very skilled in many categories. Hanji and I, even Levi, have seen that. You are highly intelligent and you have strength. You just don't see it," Petra says.

"I don't and that's the problem. I don't want to fight if we don't have a reason to."

"What do you mean?" Petra asks.

"Think about it. We fight for our freedom and I understand that. Though, we are slowly losing our freedom. We are just like cattle, being herded right where the Titans want us to be. Once they destroy Wall Rose, we will have to retreat to Wall Sina. Then, once we retreat to Wall Sina, the Titans will attack and we're all dead. The Scout Regiment can't save everyone then. Knowing this, what do we continue to do? Let the Titan's do what they plan. I'm not being victimized for something I didn't do. Do you know how many people will blame us for betraying them?"

Petra and Hanji look at each other and then back at me.

"You're right. We should see Erwin and you should explain this to him," Hanji suggests.

"No, no, no. I don't have any proof as to if I'm right."

"Right now, Erwin should know your theory. And if he doesn't believe you, well, then that's his problem," Petra says. 

"Yeah. She's right. Though, I agree with you about how we're cattle. Also, back to your question about who we're protecting. What did you mean?" Hanji asks.

"If you think about it, who technically are we protecting? Are we protecting them from us or are we protecting ourselves from them? We fight them and kill a lot of them when they attack, but we stay in these walls and wait for the attacks. We aren't protecting ourselves from them. We're just waiting for the next attack and the wall is the only thing preventing that. I'm not saying I want them to attack. I'm saying why do we wait and hypothetically 'protect ourselves?' It just kills more people and sooner or later, our species is going to go extinct." 

"See, even Hanji hasn't thought of this stuff. You're a very logical thinker and you're highly intelligent. But back to the point, I agree. It is like we're waiting for the next attack."

"Mhm. Now, can I go back to sleep?" I ask, tired of them being here. They're not going to change my mind.

"You weren't even sleeping in the first place. Come on, we need to tell Erwin this and then you need to train," Hanji says, dragging me out of my bed.

"Ugh. Fine."

*Time skip to after telling Erwin everything cause I don't want to type that all again.*

"So, Erwin seemed to understand a little, but I think he just dismissed it. I trust his judgment, but I think you're right too."

"Eh. I need to get to training. I can't be late again. It's 4:20." I run down the hallway to be followed by Petra and Hanji.

"Hey wait up!" Petra yells.

I slow down and look at them. They stop next to me and look at me. I think we all have the same idea.

"Race?" Hanji and I smirk. "3...2...1...GO!" 

We all run as fast as we can and I'm in the far lead. I didn't know I was this fast, jeez. I made it to the training area out of breath and I just sit waiting for Hanji and Petra. A few seconds later, they come up to me out of breath. 

"How..are you so...fast?" Hanji huffs.

"I... don't know."

"What happened to you guys?" Gunther, I think his name was, asks.

"We... had a race and Y/n...destroyed us," Petra says, smiling but still huffing. 

"Hey Y/n, you up for hand in hand combat?" Gunther asks.

"Yeah...sure. Just let me...catch my breath." I laugh.

"I'll go get you some water."

"Thank you."

He leaves and Hanji and Petra look at me. They caught their breath while I'm still out of breath.

"What?"

"Looks like someone has an interest in Y/n," Petra teases.

"Who? Gunther?"

"Yup, he not that nice to anyone."

"Eh, I think it's just because I'm somewhat a new recruit."

"I don't think so, but believe what you want to believe," Petra says.

"Believe what?" Gunther asks behind me. I jump and flip him over my shoulder.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I have a fighting reflex when someone scares me. Ask Petra." She nods and laughs. "Here." I reach out my hand and he grabs it.

"Where'd you learn that move?" he asks.

"I don't know."

"How about that hand in hand combat?" he asks, then adds. "With me being ready."

I laugh and say sure.

We both got into our stances and he makes a move first. He runs towards me, going for my legs, but before he can do that, I do a cartwheel over his back and kick his legs from underneath him. He groans and gets back up.

"That was smart."

"I guess. Why do we do hand in hand combat? I mean, we can't fight a Titan without our weapons and 3DM."

"I don't know. When you fight, you need to focus. Not being focused will be your weakness," Gunther says. I nod and run at him.

I look at his arm and he takes note to that. Just what I wanted. I run after his arm and I kick him in the shin instead and then punch him in the stomach. He gets up and tries punching me but I dodge it. He hasn't laid a single hit on me. I feel him grab my ankle and yank it back. I almost fall, but I gain my balance again. I then kick his shoulder, making him fall on the ground. I pin him onto the ground meaning that I won the match. That was enjoyable.

"Y/n, you did well. Maybe well enough to beat Levi," Petra says and Hanji nods.

"No. Captain will definitely beat me. This was just luck. I promise you."

"I agree with them, Y/n. I wasn't able to land a single hit on you, just like how I couldn't lay a single hit on Corporal. I think you could beat him or get close to it."

"I don't think so," I say, taking a drink of water.

"You're so stubborn, Y/n," Hanji says. I laugh.

"Yup."