Harry Potter - Fanfiction

Year 2 - Gilderoy Lockhart

The next morning, I make my way to the Great Hall for breakfast. The four long House tables are laden with tureens of porridge, plates of kippers, mountains of toast, and dishes of eggs and bacon, beneath the enchanted ceiling which today is a dull and cloudy grey.

As I enter the Great Hall, I hear Mrs. Weasley's yells fill the huge hall, shaking the dust from the ceiling. "- I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SURPRISED IF THEY'D EXPELLED YOU, YOU WAIT TILL I GET HOLD OF YOU, I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU STOPPED TO THINK WHAT YOUR FATHER AND I WENT THROUGH WHEN WE SAW IT WAS GONE –"

The Howler is so loud that it makes the plates and spoons rattle on the table and echo deafeningly off the stone walls. People throughout the hall are swivelling around to see who received the Howler, Ron sinking lower in his chair that only his crimson forehead can be seen.

I sit down next to Draco and Tracey who are both howling with laughter. The moment I sit down Draco's laughter seizes. "Err... Morning Granger."

I look over to him suspiciously. "Morning." I point to the Howler that's screaming at Ron, while I butter some toast. "That's one way to wake up in the morning."

"- I THOUGHT YOUR FATHER WOULD DIE OF SHAME, WE DIDN'T BRING YOU UP TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS, YOU AND HARRY COULD BOTH HAVE DIED -"

I can't hold it any longer and burst out laughing, sending Draco and Tracey into a fit of giggles again as well. A number of students throughout the hall are also laughing, where others try to ignore the voice that's making our eardrums throb.

"- ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED – YOUR FATHERS FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK, IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT AND IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE, WE'LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT BACK HOME."

A ringing silence falls over the hall. The red envelope bursts into flames and curls into ashes. Harry and Ron continue sitting there stunned while the laughter dies down from the students. Gradually a babble of talk breaks out again.

Professor Snape makes his way down the table handing out our schedules.

Starting off with Transfiguration for the day with Professor McGonagall, where we have to turn a beetle into a button. And afterwards we head off to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom with Professor Lockhart.

Once we are all seated, Lockhart clears his throat and silence falls. He reaches forward and grabs a copy of Travel with Trolls, holding it up to show his own, winking portrait on the front.

"Me," he says, pointing at it and winking as well.

I snort next to Tracey, "as if he doesn't have enough portraits of himself hanging in this class. It's downright creepy."

Tracey silences me as she stares on towards Lockhart. If this was a cartoon, she'd have hearts in her eyes right now.

I snap back in a whisper, "well fine. Next class I'm sitting next to Malfoy, then you can ogle the Professor happily by yourself."

I turn my attention to the Professor which is still droning on about himself, "- Order of Merlin, third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award... But I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"

"Oh Merlin, kill me now!" I say softly as I place my forehead onto the book lying on the table.

Tracey shooting me a pointed glare; if her eyes were daggers, I'd be dead.

I scoff as I wait for Lockhart to turn his back on the class. Grabbing my things, I quietly rush over to Draco's table, tapping him on the shoulder. "Mind if I sit by you instead?"

He turns to Crabbe and chases him to Tracey's table. Crabbe now also shooting me a pointed glare; I would have been dead a second time then if his eyes were daggers too.

I whisper to Draco, "sorry, but my friend there is love-sick on this joke of a man. So, I had to abandon ship."

He leans towards me as he responds, "I'm just glad at least one girl isn't swooning over him. I don't know what they see in him."

I shrug my shoulders as the Professor carries on without skipping a beat, "I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about just to check how well you've read them; how much you've taken in..."

When he finishes with handing out the test papers, he returns to the front of the class and says, "you have thirty minutes... Start... Now!"

I look down at the paper and read:

1.What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?

2.What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?

On and on it went, three sides of a paper, right down to:

54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?

Draco pipes up next to me, "what nonsense is this?" Saying the same thing I was just about to. What does any of this have to do with the Defence Against the Dark Arts? This man is head over heels with himself!

I lean towards Draco again. "This man is smitten with himself! We're not going to learn anything this year if this is how he starts off."

"Have you gone through any of his books?" Draco questions.

"No, for once I never did. And I'm glad I didn't because in this short amount of time I've seen him I know for a fact that all his books are just going to be about how 'amazing' he is... Women have a screw loose for liking him. He's not even interesting enough to make me sick!"

I look up to see Lockhart admiring himself in a handheld mirror as we continue on with the test.

Half an hour later, Lockhart gathers up all the tests, rather disappointed that not a lot of students could answer the questions correctly.

"Now, on to business..."

He bends down behind his desk and lifts the large, covered cage onto it. "Now be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizard kind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room." I cannot help but laugh at this statement, being joined by most of the boys in the class.

This man is an utter joke!

We all head down to lunch as I pop passed the Gryffindor table first.

"Hey Hermione," I say as I sit down next to her, "won't be long."

"Hey." She doesn't even look up as her nose is buried in Voyages with Vampires.

I pull her Gryffindor scarf out from my bag, handing it to her. "I don't know how, but this landed up in my trunk instead of yours."

She only nods as I place it down next to her. Harry asks, "what've we got this afternoon?"

"Defence Against the Dark Arts," says Hermione at once.

"Why," demands Ron, seizing her schedule, "have you outlined all Lockhart's lessons in little hearts?"

I lean over and scoff irritably, as Hermione snatches the schedule back, blushing furiously, "what has gotten into all the girls here at Hogwarts! He is by far the worst teacher yet! I don't know how they interview teachers for the position, but it surely isn't working."

"How bad is it?" asks Harry.

"He can't even handle a bunch of Cornish pixies! Most of our class had to show him the spell to use on them!"

With this Harry and Ron moan, not looking forward to his class anymore. Whereas Hermione shoots me a death-defying stare. My third one for today.

Year 2 - Gilderoy Lockhart ~ End