Lovers: XOXO [the guidebook]

❤️/East: A Wizard of Oz Parody (Part 1/4)

Everyone: UPDATE YOUR SHIT YOU SKETCHY BITCH!

No one: I got really drunk the other day and I realized something: this fucking story (Lovers: Boarding School) has so many dramatic parallels to motherfucking The Wizard of Oz (1939)! The characters, the introductions, the themes--oh wow I'm starting to think LBS is not all that original (QwQ) Oh well, at least I get to show you guys my comedic side because (believe it or not) I'm more comfortable with writing comedy than drama :DDDDD Yeah, who knew?

Anyways, enjoy this little (surprise) parody of The Wizard of Oz! Can you guess who is who?

LOLOL

Violet woke up with the nastiest hangover. 

"Ah fuck me!" she swore with a raging river's worth of expletives. "I shouldn't have had those unlimited tequila Tuesday shots with Alvie, that whore."

Propping herself up with her forearms, Violet noticed how tight her clothes felt and looked down over her body. 

"The fuck..." What she was wearing wasn't the baggy t-shirt and shorts combo she'd worn to level the city  of all its tequila, tacos, and triple chocolate fudge cake with her wilder slutty bestie. Tightly suctioned around her body was the shortest baby blue overall dress she'd ever seen. It was the tightest around her chest where an even tighter white blouse underneath the dress was almost bursting at their button seams. Her legs, covered mid thigh with the most ridiculous--and also tight--lacy socks, didn't help with making the outfit anymore chaste. Neither were the sparkling, flaming red stilettos garnishing her feet like a popped maraschino cherry. 

Violet's eyes shrunk to slivers, her index finger rubbing her chin. Was it Halloween yesterday?

But Violet wasn't in Toronto anymore. As she surveyed her surroundings, Violet found herself in the middle of a wide expanse of land with no one in sight. 

"Where am I?"

Above her was a sky made from the same colour as her dress and below her feet was a purple brick road that stretched far into a forested horizon. On either side of her were meadows of white and red flowers blooming with life. 

It was breathtakingly beautiful. And Violet wanted to get the fuck back to the heavily polluted urban wasteland of her damned city. 

"I must've been roofied, fuck," she said as she tried pulling apart her ponytails, but to no avail. 

She immediately jumped to her feet when she heard what sounded like rustling from behind her and found a picnic basket on the ground. 

"Ugh! Can you not!" she hissed when she saw the basket squirm with life. Is something trapped in there?

Once Violet built up the courage to see what was inside the basket, Violet lifted the basket with both her hands. Suddenly, one of the flaps of the basket flipped open and what stared back at her was...a black rabbit. With ears erect, a twitching nose, a white patch of fur in the shape of a heart and everything. 

"Oh! It's so cute!" Violet squealed, her hand itching to touch the soft downy fur of the bunny's head. But before she could stroke even an ear, the bunny caught Violet's finger with its teeth and bit down. Hard.

"Ow!" she hollered, recoiling her injured finger. Somehow not dropping the basket, Violet glared daggers at the adorably snappy bunny. "If I wasn't by myself I would've made you into barbecue you little shit! Don't test me! I'm Asian!"

The bunny looked impassively at Violet before it sunk back into the basket. 

"I should toss you into a dumpster," Violet mumbled, reluctantly hanging the basket around her forearm. But for miles on end, as far as Violet could see, there wasn't any of those in this garden-world of Eden.