Kissed by Chaos

Kissed by Chaos (36) - Life and Death

Kissed by Chaos

Chapter 36: Life and Death  

The thought of burning to death had haunted me my entire life. It had driven my mother to leave her family behind, forced me and Elisabeth to traipse across the world. There was nothing in this world that I feared more than burning to death.

The flames licked at my face eagerly, excitedly. I could feel the heat soaking into the skin of my arms, my skull. Over the din of men’s battle cries and weapons clanging against each other, I could hear myself screaming. And the worst thing was the smell. The sourness of my own burning flesh reached up my nostrils and filled my mouth. So this was what death looked like, smelt like. Felt like.

And then there was Raafi. He kept shaking me, grabbing my shoulders with a certain ferocity and determination. It was as if he thought that somehow, his strength would seep into me. Anyway, how was he touching me? I knew that the fire had to be eating away at his skin, but to his credit the pain did not show on his face. Instead there was a look of shock and fascination there. “It’s not real, Claire,” he kept saying. “These flames, the pain, all of it’s in your head.” It was the last thing he said before he turned around to face Dunya’s godforsaken army. His shoulders were broad and rigid with strength as he stepped into the mayhem.

And then it was only me and the fire. I felt stupid even thinking it, but… what if? What if it wasn’t simply that Raafi could withstand a lot of pain? What if all this pain was in my head? I breathed in deeply and reached for the dagger at my belt. I squinted against the heat – imaginary or real, I wasn’t quite sure – and unclenched one of my hands. Shaking with fear at the stupidity and insanity of what I was trying to prove to myself, I dragged the point of the dagger across my palm. I closed my eyes and sucked in a shriek as a sharp bolt of pain shot through my arm. A ribbon of red appeared on my skin, bright and vivid with life. And though it had seemed impossible only moments ago, the unbearable feeling of the flames frying my skin dimmed a little. I bit down on my tongue and pressed down on the new wound. The pain instantly shot through my arm, my hand throbbing with the weight of it. Once again, the flames singeing my skin was less painful. My little experiment had worked, then. Real pain had shown me that whatever it was Dunya was doing to me was just a mind game.

Rage blinded me, blurring my vision with its force. How much time had I wasted shrinking into myself? I had done exactly what I had sworn not to do. Dunya was destroying me by picking out my deepest fears and using them against me and I… I was just letting her? I heard another animal cry leave me again, but this time it was not one of fear and pain. This was one of pure anger.

Suddenly and image burst through my mind. I was tied to a giant cross, surrounded by bundles and bundles of wood. A familiar, bloated face grinned lewdly up at me. Bishop Frederic, of course. “May you burn in hell, you cursed bitch.” He spat at me. He reached out one hand without looking away from me, and instantly a burning torch appeared in his chubby fist. It took me a while to see the crowd gathered behind him. Their faces were darkened, no sympathy or sorrow to be found anywhere. Their gazes were cold and unforgiving. My eyes fell across a tall, painfully handsome man hidden amongst the crowd. Aaron’s eyes met mine and he held my gaze, sending an unspoken message of hatred to me. I watched as he silently stepped forward and stood by Frederic’s side.

“Ah, Sir Aaron. So good to see you. Would you like to do the honours?” he asked in an almost amusingly regal tone. Well, it would have been amusing in any other circumstance. My eyes widened as Aaron gratefully accepted the torch and took a few steps forward.

“Aaron, don’t do this. You know who I am. I am not the evil that you all fear so much!” I exclaimed desperately as he moved closer and closer to the pyre. He stopped still for a moment and looked up at me almost thoughtfully. Then venom seeped into his eyes, unstoppable and fierce.