Family Ties

Chapter Thirty One

Eve
As I lean against the counter and wait till the water for my tea is boiled, a bad feeling is creeping up my spine, it feels like someone is watching me. I look around the room but nobody is there, I take a few steps so I can look into the hallway towards the front door and up the stairs, nobody to be seen. I walk back to the kettle and my eyes fall on the open back door, I have the urge to close it and lock it but Jonas and Harry are outside on the porch.

"No one is there, you are safe here. Just go outside and have fun!" the voice at the back of my head tells me.
It's not that I don't want to, I just can't. I scan the tray in front of me on the kitchen island, a chicken sandwich, a banana, some strawberry laces, two bottles of water and I still have crackers in my room, together with my fennel tea I have enough to be able to go upstairs and not come back downstairs for the rest of the day.

"Hi Sis, you okay?" I groan inwardly when Jonas comes in and starts to talk, why can't they just leave me alone?

"Sure, why wouldn't I be okay?" Jonas shrugs his shoulders and opens the fridge.

"You just... " he turns to me and a sigh leaves his mouth.
"You just don't look well, you are pale and tired, your eyes don't have their usual sparkle and you look like you are angry all the time. I'm worried about you." I look to the ground when I feel irritation bubbling up.

"You don't need to be worried, it's just one of those months." we both know that's a lie but I turn my back towards Jonas and with that, he knows the conversation is over.

When my tea is ready I put it on the tray and pick it all up, I raise my head and my eyes meetwith Harry's but he immediately looks away.

"Hi Harry." I whisper but he doesn't answer, I feel a pang in my belly and it fills with guilt. I feel tears form in my eyes but I know it's my own fault, I ruined everything. Before my tears can spill over my eyelids I turn around and with the tray in my hands, I rush upstairs to the safety my room.

Back in my room I put the tray on the empty night stand by the window before I go back to the door, I quickly close it before I put my fingers around the cold metal of the key and turn it around.

"Why are you locking it? Nobody will come here." the little voice in my head is so annoying I wish I was able to shut it off.
"I'm just trying to get some sense into you, Love." she says but I ignore her. If I start to really talk to her, I would really start to think I have completely lost it.

I sit down on my bed, against my headboard and decide to try to work a little. I take my laptop and put it on my lap, when I open it the screen comes to life showing a picture of me Harry and Jonas from when I first arrived, we all have a big smiles on our faces and I remember that moment, because for a minute I felt happy and content. A lump forms in my throat and tears start to prickle in my eyes, I try to hold them back but I can't and a sob leaves my mouth. I shut my laptop with a bam and put it on the ground next to my bed before I roll myself into a ball and start to cry in earnest. I feel so lost, I have no idea what I'm doing anymore and I have the biggest mood swings, I go from happy to angry to really sad in three seconds and I can't stop it. But most of the time I'm angry, angry at Harry because he wants to help, angry at Jonas because he wants to check up on me and because he made Harry break up with me, angry at Thomas because he made me believe I'm the shittiest person and because he physically hurt me, angry at mother because she never was the mother I needed, angry at dad because he left us, most of all I'm angry at myself because I let everyone control me, because don't seem to be able to take my life back into my own hands, because I'm tired of everything and want to run away...

I get startled by a knock on the door of my bedroom, my body freezes. Who is that? Earlier it felt like someone was watching me, now someone is at my door and I'm sure it isn't Harry or Jonas because I made it pretty clear yesterday that they have to leave me alone. What if someone sneaked into the house? What if it's Thomas? My heart starts to race and when there is a second knock I jump from the bed and run to the bathroom where I close and lock the door too. I'm sweating and breathing heavily while I pace back and forth around my little bathroom.