first american title | tenya iida

six

~*~

lydia's pov

Boxes upon boxes were stacked inside my apartment. My entire life, melted down into a few cardboard boxes. I decided that I was getting too attached. To Iida, to my job, to San Fransisco. It had only been a short month that I lived here, but that month had worked too hard into my heart. I couldn't stay here forever. I couldn't stay put. That was a recipe for a slow, self-induced death. 

The worst part was knowing that I would leave without ever letting Iida have closure. That was the most reckless ending to a chapter I think I've ever had. Kissing him and then leaving. Soon enough I'd change my phone number and he'd never hear from me again. Was it a bad thing to do? Yes. Would it probably break him for a month or two? Yes. 

But, still. In my heart, I knew I couldn't stay tied down to something for so long. To let down my walls and allow myself to breathe in a routine that was permanent would be suicide. I watched it happen to my mother as a child, I watched what it did to me and my father, and I swore that I would never do that to myself and to the people around me. I don't want to be left unsatisfied later, either. 

So, here we are today. I realized that I was, for the most part, out of food. I knew that just down the street there was a convenience store. I'm sure that they sold top ramen there. I creeped out of my apartment, tip-toeing through the streets to my bus stop. It was Friday and pretty late into the evening. By now the bus had already dropped Iida off and he was well on his way home. I sat at the bus stop and scrolled through my phone aimlessly until the bus arrived. I didn't pay much mind to it. 

A few people scurried off, and then finally, "Lydia?" he called out. I looked up and saw Iida. The smile on his face was so wide. He hugged me and then pulled off. "Are you okay?" He asked. I nodded. "Why have you been avoiding me?" He asked. 

I shrugged. "I promise I haven't been, I've been busy," I lied.

He raised an eyebrow. "Really? I have trouble believing that."

I scoffed. "It's nothing, Iida."

"Lydia, it's clearly something please ju-"

"It's nothing Iida! Don't worry about it, god. I'm doing fine so stop acting like I'm not. I'm just busy packing my shit, okay?"

He looked me up and down. "Packing?"

"Yes, packing. I'm moving. I'm moving far away. Probably somewhere on the east coast, I haven't decided yet," I mumbled. 

"Why are you moving?"

"Because I want to! I don't know!"

"Why are you being defensive? I just want to know if you're okay. I'm worried about you, that's all. You didn't text me for a week and a half and don't show up to the bus stop. On top of that, it's right after you kissed me. I was worried about you," He says softly. 

My heart hurts, and now I feel extra guilty. "I can't stay here. I'm too attached to things."

He gives me a look. "You're attached so now you're going to just run away?" 

I roll my eyes. "Yes! Exactly! How else should I do it hmm? Just let myself become a robot to routine and then die knowing I did the same thing every day?"