first american title | tenya iida

nineteen

~*~

iida's pov

Thursday afternoons were typically reserved for buying groceries while Lydia was still at work. I almost always went after work and bought food and candles and whatever we needed. This afternoon felt different though. 

Probably because instead of standing in front of a market downtown I was in front of a home for sale. 

I know Lydia would want to be here, and obviously, I wouldn't buy a home- especially at this price- without her approval. It was beautiful. Four bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms, a large open kitchen and living room. The only flaw was the price. I don't think Lydia and I could afford this even in our wildest dreams. We wanted so many things and we had so little money; at least what felt like so little money. 

In the back of my head, I worried about everything Lydia wanted. I knew what she wanted. She wanted me, and to love and care for me and our children and work her job and keep up this romance. It's not that I didn't want the same things because I did. I wanted her and I wanted to have a family and a life with her forever. Why else would I marry her as quick as I did? What I worried about was the fact that I couldn't give her everything. I wanted to hand her the world, and I couldn't. 

The thought of Lydia ever leaving me plagued my mind; it burned and choked me. But I knew I knew, with the assurance that comes to those who have learned to love, rather than falling into it – that she would never want to take any steps if I didn't, and had realized that she would never leave me. Our love, bond, romance- whatever you want to call it, was built on a foundation of trust and communication and genuine love, and it seemed unbreakable. I knew things would fall apart anytime soon, and if they did, it would be a natural and healthy ending. 

"So what do you think of the house?" The realtor asked, shaking me out of my thoughts. 

I coughed. "Um, well it's perfect but is the buyer willing to argue the price?" I asked.

The realtor clicked her tongue and replied, "Well," pausing as she flipped through a few papers. "The lowest they were willing to sell the home for was one mil."

I crinkled my nose, thinking for a moment. "I'd definitely have to talk to my wife about it."

She handed me a pamphlet. "Give me a call if you and the misses decided on this one," she says, giving me a wide smile. 

I nod and say thank you before leaving. A few blocks down another home is for sale. I tour it too, it's not as nice as the other one, but it is a little less expensive. Afterward, I take a cab to the market place and then back home. I'll be somewhat late back home, seeing as it's seven now. Lydia will be home any minute. It'll probably be a shock to her when I'm not there, so I send her a quick text that I'll be late getting home. 

When I step into the apartment, Lydia has her hands wrapped around her guitar. She strummed along to something I had never heard and sang. God her voice was beautiful. I put away groceries, listening to her play. Occasionally she'll stop, mumble "no, no that's not it," and restart or change the lyrics. 

"Say yes to heaven, say yes to me," she sings. 

I turn and look at her, resting my chin in my hand, just admiring her with a soft smile. When she finishes out what she's doing I clap. "That was fucking amazing," I say.

A blush has risen to her cheeks. "You never cuss," she mumbles.

I shrug. "It puts emphasis on what I mean," I reply.

Her giggle rings out in the room. "Did you really like it that much?" she asks.

I nod as I stride over to her, kissing her cheek softly. "It was wonderful," I tell her.

She sets the guitar back on its stand and gets up. Her hand rests on my hip and the other grabs my hand. "I like dancing with you," she says, her voice barely above a whisper. I feel her head rest on my chest. "You're so much taller than me," she mumbles. "And you're so soft and warm. And you hold me so tight. It makes me feel so wanted."

"You are wanted, Lydia," I mumble, kissing her forehead.

There's a pause before Lydia speaks again. "Tenya?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think we'll be together forever?"

A stop to think. "Yes," I reply.

"Are you lying to make me feel better?"

I chuckle and shake my head. "No, I'm not lying. Lydia, I think we'll be together forever."

"Really?"

I nod. "I do, I really do."

There's a silence. It's not a bad silence, it's so soft; so comfortable. We sway back at forth, embracing the feeling of each others warmth and nothing else. Lydia's head pulls off my chest and she looks at me. "There's something we need to talk about," she mumbles.

I stop swaying back and forth and remove my hands from her hips. "What's up?"

She sighs. "What's next?"

I tilt my head. "What do you mean?" I ask.

There's the awkward pause. Lydia hesitates to answer, but the finally says. "What are we gonna do next?"

"Like as a couple?"

She nods. "I mean we've briefly talked about after marriage, and we've both agreed that we'd cross that bridge when we reached it. And now we're here and I feel like there's a bit of a miscommunication? And I feel like we should talk about it yknow? Get on the same page."

I nod. "Yeah. I mean, I get it. We've always talked about having kids and we're both really excited about that but I have my worries about it."

"What kinda worries?"

I take a deep breath. "I know I'm ready and comfortable having a kid. Are you? Like, you seem like you are but I worry that you're not because you're feeling pressured or you're just moving really fast. And I guess maybe I'd like to take it a little slower."

Lydia nods, biting her lip and thinking. "I am too, but I think we should take it slower too. We should settle down a bit more. I mean god it hasn't even been a year. Before we even know it we'll both be in a place that feels right to have a kid! And it'll be great! But right now isn't the right time. At least that's what I'm getting. 

"Yeah. It's not the right time."

She smiles. "I'm glad we're on the same page," she tells me, taking back a hold of my hand while the other arm goes to my waist. She buries her head into my chest as she had before. 

I hoped this never ended.

~*~