The rest of the day was hard to get through to say the least. I tried my best to focus on class, but again, my head would wander to Harry or Erika. It would bring me a moment of pleasure, but then the guilt and shame would wash over me. I have been taught there is a difference between pleasure and happiness, and I know it's dumb to act on pleasure. To act on instincts, especially your sexual instincts.
At this point there was no way in heck I would step foot into that party. The thought of having Harry and Erika in the same room confused me; was I jealous they were together? I couldn't tell.
Through out the day, I came to the conclusion that it is not that I am attracted to either of those two wild beauties, but rather they were both the most sexual people I know. So, it only made sense that my body thought sexual thoughts why I saw them. It's not by fault, it's just my brain blending things together.
I never thought of myself as a sexual person in any sense. I have never even seen a penis or ball sack before or another vagina other than my own. But after last night, it changed me. It is almost like I allowed the devil to slither through my fingers, right through my womanhood and then into my soul. I know it has only been a day, but I could see the change. And it scared me. It almost made me want to pee my cotton pink panties.
Throughout the week it got better, I was able to pay attention in class without thinking of my fingers working myself just under Squidward's face. I think I might have to throw out those bottoms because they have been stained in two ways; stained with my slimy juices, and stained with sin.
Then Friday came around, and my parents left with Peter to the retreat. Erika pretty much forced me to invite her over. Right after school got to my large brick house on Yerta Street, and Erika raced up the stairs.
"Girls night! Char, you ready to Netflix and chill?" She boomed, giving me a playful wink. I know she was only kidding, she had to be. She joked around a lot, but I think since my dream I have noticed how suggestive her jokes are. I laugh along with her but on the inside I am screaming. I am yelling, I am crying and I am looking for answers. But I hold my head with a smile and suppress those feelings, and boy is it hard to do so. I don't think I have never held something like this within my self, and it was begging to be released, kinda like I wish Erika was doing. Begging me to release her.
Nope.
No way.
This are bad thoughts. Really bad thoughts to have about anyone, let alone your friend. Who is a girl I might add.
We push under the covers, and usually we would cuddle up together but I stick to my side of the bed. That dream seem to ruin the fun loving thing we had and I hate it. I can feel her dark orbs stare into the side of my head. I try to ignore it but when she lightly pokes me in the cheek with her long, slender digits, I can no longer ignore her without being rude, and I am anything but.
"I think I'm gonna try and fuck Harry at the party." She says in deep thought. I quickly slap her in the shoulder with my hand, not pleased with her choice of words. I not a big fan of cussing, especially when they are using a vulgar term to express love making. Something that should be special, not something that can be thrown around like a well made tennis ball. You know, the ones that smell great when you open a new packet.
Anyways, other than the curse word that left Erika's plump kissable lips, the whole sentence bothered me, and I am not just talking about the sentence structure. Oh, sorry, guess my english nerd is showing. Like I said before, the whole idea of them kissing or touching each other didn't make me happy, but I know I don't own either of them. I don't own anyone, but someday maybe I will.
Oh right, I have to respond to someone when they are talking to me. Erika must have been waiting 13.5 seconds until I finally formulated a response that was adequate for the situation at hand.
