Caught between lies

Chapter 4

At home; Midnight

I almost tripped walking in. It was all dark. I was about to go into my room when Joseph stopped me. He pushed me against the wall and started to make out with me. I pushed him away. 

"Joseph, i am really tired. We should go to bed, please" I said. 

"Okay, let's go" He replied trying to find his breath. 

"No, i can't let you into my room, Joseph," I said while chuckling. 

"Why..you trust me, don't you? He asked me while kissing my neck. 

"I....Joseph, i just can't. Please" I say while moaning. 

He lets go of me and smiles at me. 

"Thank you! Goodnight" I say, and open the door to my room, and walk inside. I turned the lights on.

I sat on my bed and took my journal, and started to write for a little bit. 

Dear Diary...

JOSEPH KISSED ME TODAY! 

It truly felt amazing, but i kind of acted as i didn't want him. I just don't wanna hurt him. He's so sweet, and i feel safe with him. I think we would be better as friends. I don't wanna lose my focus, i need to take my education seriously. I can't be hanging out with boys 24/7 that is just not me. You understand, right?

I closed my diary and lied it on the little table beside me. I went over to the light and turned it off. 

The next morning

I was sitting in the hall eating my breakfast. Joseph came out from his room yawning. He had no shirt on again. 

"Joseph, can we talk?" I asked him.

"Yeah, of course." He came and sat very close to me. 

I moved a little bit away from him. 

"Is something wrong?" He asks. 

"No, not really. It's just...Yesterday was a mistake Joseph" I say and waited for his reaction. 

"It didn't feel like a mistake for me," He says, and looks down. 

"I..know. I'm sorry. I just really think it's better if we stayed freinds." I replied. 

"It just wasn't the intention you gave me last night," He says. He isn't even looking at me. 

"Yeah...i know. I'm sorry. I just...I can't have any distractions. I don't think I'm ready and i do really need to focus this year." I say nervously. 

"You know what.... if that's what you want. I respect that" He says, and looks up to me. He tries to smile, but i can feel he's disappointed.

"Really?" I ask. 

"Yeah," I say.

"Thank you, Joseph," I say, and tries to get a smile out of him. 

After one month...

Jackson and i were at his place. He had a lot of trophies which he had won from different sports that he played when he was younger. I laid down on his bed. He came and sat beside me. He looked down at me and smiled. 

"So, can i tell you something?" he asks. 

"Yeah sure, what do you have on your heart?" I reply.