back off, sns | bts & rv

short convo: yoongi & hoseok

the cozy bbq gathering remains its heat after jungkook's left. such relief that the strongest eater has quit the party, but more or less there's  still a slight loneliness lingering on air.

- good thing that jungkook approved his feelings, i'm proud.

- right? who knows the maknae would be the vanguard in getting a girlfriend, that traitor.

- talking about that, is anyone here lowkey in a relationship or something? 

the table becomes silent. 

- why don't we start with the one who asked then, namjoon hyung?

- me? i don't like anyone. you, taehyung?

- i don't either. jimin?

- me neither. seokjin-hyung?

- me neither, too. hoseok?

- me neither, three. yoongi-hyung?

- i don't know. 

silence just follows silence.

- what's wrong yoongi, you look so blue today.

- nothing.

- hyung, if there's anything you can tell us—

- sorry, just leave me alone for a while. 

yoongi walks away, leaving his barbecued ribs behind which will soon be eaten by the hungry taehyung. 

- i know he always grumbles, but somehow this time feels different.

- let me talk to him. 

- okay, we count on you, hoseok.

knock knock

- open the door yoongi-hyung, i know you're still awake.

- didn't i say leave me alone?

- i won't, nobody will. i have something to say,

- about what?

- about seungwan, and us.

the door cracked open, revealing a dusky expression from someone who has been locked himself at the bottom of a well. 

- hey!

- hey. 

- i don't want to waste your time so, shall we just talk here?

- be quick, i don't wanna stand too long. 

- you remember last time i went out with seungwan, after you made her cry?

- yeah.

- i managed to encourage her a bit, though she was still really sad.

- uh huh

- to someone who likes her a lot, that hurts so much.

yeah, hoseok likes seungwan. apparently.

yoongi envies him, and all those people who has an idea when they start falling for someone. 

- so what?

- what is actually your feeling towards her, hyung?

- i don't know.

- do you love her?

- i told you, i don't kn—

- you know, when she was crying, the only person she mentioned was you.

the elder's heart is squeezed like a lemon, dropping the juice onto his bleeding scar. tastes bitter, he thought.

- even when i'm sitting right beside her, holding her hands, all she could think of was you, and you only.

- i don't know, hoseok-ah...

- of course you don't, yet, since you never experience it before. just like math, before learning it, you don't understand what the fuck it is.

- i still don't understand what the fuck it is, but, forget that. 

- that's what i wanna say, you shouldn't lock your mind, hyung. open the door, let it face new stuff, don't try to hide from the word 'love' that you have always been afraid of.

- i...

- there are many types of love, but definitely none of them is fear. listen and be honest to your heart, then come see her when you already have an answer.

- what about you, hoseok?

- i'll just keep loving her, in my own way that does no harm.

- i'm...sorry...

- that's not your fault, or anyone's, hyung. cool your head down, think about it, and solve the problem!

hoseok merely smiles. it's the usual grin that's always drawn on his lips, it's just this time it fades a dust of sorrow. 

- ...got it. i'm gonna sleep now, tell everyone for me.

- okey dokey!

- hoseok-ah,

- hm?

- i'm sorry, and thank you for everything.

- so rare to hear that from you, but no problem! goodnight hyung!

hoseok's face remains brighten, until yoongi finally closes the door.

- i love seungwan, but i love you too, yoongi-hyung. even though it's painful, that's what i would do for our sake.