I put the lid of the toilet seat down. How did it come to this? Not even being able to hold any food down. It become a routine now. On the days I do eat, I eat late at night, because I don't allow myself to throw up at night. But I can only eat on Wednesdays and the days of concerts. But only a little. My life is chaos but the routine helps. The routine keeps order. When the routine is disrupted the chaos gets too overwhelming. It takes over and I panic. Listen to me. Geez I sound crazy. I am crazy. My compulsions have taken over my life and I think hurting myself and purging my energy will help. It doesn't matter though. If I stopped now I would actually go insane. I would have to leave BTS. It's actually the only thing that makes me happy. ARMY are what keep me going. They are my energy, my world, my life. Without them, my depression would kill me. I wish I could honestly tell them this but posting it online seems so cheesy. It seems weird. I know they'll think I'm weird. I guess I'll have to keep it bottled up. It's ok though. I'm used to it.
YOU ARE READING
Fingertips | BTS Depression
FanfictionThe suffocating feeling of sadness. The purple coloring of breathless struggle. The numbness of decay and the words that try to escape his mouth. WARNING: Strong themes of suicidal behavior and mental health issues! DISCLAIMER: I am in no way trying...
