I wake up, sore, tired, and broken. I desperately don't wanna leave the warmth of the blanket. It's been so cold recently. My toes and fingers constantly feel numb. It's getting harder to dance. Both the lack of energy and the soreness of my limbs. I feel constant pain but I need to practice more. I need to be good for ARMY. I need to be thinner. I need to be perfect. I get pulled out of my thoughts when Namjoon opens my bedroom door. I sleepily turn my head towards him.
"Oh good. You're up already. Well breakfast is ready so come on. We gotta busy day today." He smiled attempting to cheer me up. I lifted the heavy blankets off of me. The cold hit me. I shivered and began to put my foot on the ground. I went to stand but almost immediately lost all strength. Thankfully Namjoon caught me before I could fall. "Careful hyung!" He scolded in panic, "are you feeling ok?" He said, recomposing himself.
I shot him a glare, "I'm fine." I said in a dark tone. I'm not sure why but I felt moody, and I did feel a little bad about it. I set myself free from his grip, struggling to steady myself. God, I've become so weak. I can barely stand anymore. Is this what it's come to? I leave the room, glancing at his confused and concerned face. I joined the other members at the table sitting and take a plate filling it with minimal food. I took a bite of my eggs and 2 bites of toast just to make it seem like I've eaten more. Then I listen to the other members talk waiting for at least one to get up and be done. Thankfully Taehyung gets up with a clean plate. I wait about 5 seconds then follow. I immediately go to the bathroom, lift the toilet seat and vomit. I hate the feeling. It's gross and it burns my throat but I need to be better. I step on the scale next to the toilet. 120lbs. Wow. Why have I not lost enough? I need to weigh less but nothing is working. I need a shower.
"Im takin a shower!" I yell, heading to one of the bathrooms with clothes and a towel. I get in close the door and turn on the faucet. Then I grab the blades under the sink.
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Fingertips | BTS Depression
FanfictionThe suffocating feeling of sadness. The purple coloring of breathless struggle. The numbness of decay and the words that try to escape his mouth. WARNING: Strong themes of suicidal behavior and mental health issues! DISCLAIMER: I am in no way trying...
