Fingertips | BTS Depression

My Lungs

The forest was peaceful. It was quiet and the only noise there was were the subtle hums of the birds and my breaths. My hiccups and sobs were what filled the forest. It slowly became less quiet. I slid down against a tree, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping myself in my arms. I wanted to scream at that moment. I felt the urge to just rip out all my hair and cut off a limb or something. But I didn't. I just dug my nails into my arms until I bled. Then I brought my hands up to my face and scratched my face. Streaks of tears and scratch marks ran down my cheeks. I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands, my breath still uneven. I continued to sobbed for 10 minutes, until I felt like my eyes were burning. I got off the forest floors and dusted myself off. I don't know how I got to the woods so fast, maybe it was because I ran, but I had about a 15 minute walk back. I put in my ear buds and began walking.

When I got to the door I pulled up my phone camera. Shit. It was pretty noticeable that I was crying. I just have to hope no one will talk to me. I open the door and walk in. I close it quietly and remove my jacket. I quickly take off my shoes and go to my room. As I enter my room I see Jungkook and Namjoon sitting on my bed. I let out a quiet grown.

"Mind telling me where you been for the past hour, hyung?" Namjoon said, arms crossed and eyebrow raised.
I looked at Jungkook, visibly upset that he let Namjoon know I went out. Then again, I never told him not to and I probably would've done the same if I were in his position.
"I just went on a walk. It's not a big deal." I said in annoyance.
"Not a big deal?! Hyung, we're famous. It dangerous to be out by yourself!" Namjoon scolded, "and I get it. You wanted alone time or whatever, but next time just go to your studio. Or at least tell us where you're going!" He was angry, and I know it was out of concern but it still made me feel useless and like I could cry again.
"Listen hyung," Jungkook began, "when you ran out, it looked like you weren't okay. I thought something was wrong and I was just scared and worried! I'm sorry for telling Namjoon hyung but I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Jungkook looked close to tears. Dammit. Why does he have to do that? Make me feel bad.
"No it's fine! I'm fine, see? Don't feel bad it's okay! I'm sorry next time I'll tell you where I'm going!" I say. As much as I hated it, I made eye contact with him, just to assure him that I was fine. Even though I wasn't. I saw Namjoon out of the corner of my eye. He watched with a more softened look.
"Okay...well Im sorry Yoongi hyung. I shouldn't yell like that again." He sad removing the hair from his face with his hand. "Anyway, we have practice in about 30 minutes. Be ready." With that, he and Jungkook left my room, leaving me in the unwelcoming silence of loneliness.