Fingertips | BTS Depression

His Heart

As I left Yoongi's room I was questioned by the members.
"So is he mad?" Jungkook asked, with a guilty look in his eyes. Jungkook never liked to talk about his feelings but sometimes he was transparent. It was obvious he felt bad for telling on Yoongi.
"Actually he's dealing with some issues right now. Can we talk about it in the living room?" I could tell that the first sentence worried Jungkook. Maybe I should have started with something else.
As we made our way to the couch I leaned forward and began to talk. "Yoongi hyung is actually dealing with some mental health issues right now. He expressed to me how he's been depressed for quite a while, and he experiences anxiety. He described it to me as a 'social phobia.' So we can assume it's social anxiety he's dealing with." I look around for their reactions. They looked conflicted, as well as understanding. I could tell they had a lot of sympathy for hyung, despite not experiencing his problems.
"So," Jin looked at me as to allow him to keep talking, and took a nod as approval, "you'll have to tell Pd Nim, and he'll have to go on hiatus, right?"
"Actually hyung, he's asked me specifically to not tell Pd Nim."
"Are we sure that's ok though? What if it's being an idol that's causing him this stress?" Hoseok said in the serious tone we only see off camera.
"Yeah, however, I think for now we can support him, and make sure he's taking care of himself, but if you notice anything too concerning, tell me and I'll decide if we need to go against his wishes." They all nodded in agreement. "And Jungkook," I continued, "he isn't feeling this poorly because of you, so please don't feel bad about that. This is something that he's dealt with for a while, and we couldn't have known."
"Yeah I know, I still feel a little bad though. What if it was me invading his privacy that brought on this depressive episode?" He looked almost ready to cry but he was a pro at keeping his feelings inside.
"Please don't concern yourself with these thoughts. Hyung said he's felt this poorly for a while, I'm sure he just woke up tired. Too tired for practice. We just need to give him our continual love and support right now, feeling bad will do nothing." I tried my best to emotionally support Jungkook with his guilty feelings, but I wasn't good at comforting. My words came out more like a professional speech or a formal statement.
Jungkook gives a "mhm" in response but I can tell by the way he lets his head fall slightly that he stills feels bad. I give Jimin a glance hoping that maybe after he'll talk to Jungkook privately and reassure him. He glances back like he read my mind. That's something Jimin was good at, he was emotionally in touch with not only his own feelings but others as well, and hopefully he could get a chance to talk to Yoongi too.
With that, we got up and went to our respective rooms. Except for Jimin, who accompanied Jungkook to his, and Jin who went to the Kitchen to make dinner for us each. I tried to continue writing lyrics for a song but I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach that made it hard to focus. I wanted to help Yoongi, and I wanted to tell Pd Nim but I didn't want things to get so bad that I had to. Though I knew deep down that they were probably already way past that point. Still, I ignored these feelings, struggling to write until I was called for dinner.