𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 • 𝐉𝐄𝐍𝐙𝐈𝐄

6.10

the door to johnny's pitch black room creaked open and meredith popped her head in, surveying his room with a sad smile.

"hey, soldier." she said, stepping into the room and lightly closing the door behind her.

"hey." johnny's voice came out quiet and mumbly from under his covers. he looked up at his ceiling and willed his sadness to go away.

to his immense surprise, mer sat down on his bed and pushed back the all-white covers. "shove over." she said gently, sliding her legs into the covers as johnny shuffled to the left.

johnny's heart swelled unexpectedly. his dad didn't seem to understand what he was going through, but his mom was the opposite. he knew she would understand, and empathise with him, for she knew him like the back of her own hand.

"the last time we shared a bed together would have been when you were a boy." mer said sadly, turning her head to look at him.

he sniffed, blinking back tears. his mouth started twitching and he knew, that finally, he was going to cry.

"oh, john. my boy." meredith sounded sad. "c'mere."

without a word, johnny lay his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes as his chest started to get tight. he then squeezed his eyes, trying and trying and trying not to cry, not to let out his sadness and emotion. meredith stroked the unruly curls he had off his forehead, a kind, motherly gesture that made him want to cry even more.

"you miss her?" meredith prompted quietly.

"so much." johnny sniffled, opening his eyes and letting the tears drip down his cheeks. "it hurts, mom."

he hadn't said the word mom since he was at elementary school. she was always meredith to him; they were always equal, they always used their given names. the way she referred to him as her son and the way he referred her as his mom spoke volumes. he was upset, which was childlike for him, because he never showed emotion, therefore she knew what to call him.

their bond was so special meredith was able to understand when he was upset and deal with it in the nicest way; physical touch and kind words.

"did you send the flowers?" meredith swallowed.

johnny nodded, breathing out as heavily as he could. "everyday."

"it's okay, you'll be okay, i promise." meredith stroked his forehead again, which only made him want to cry harder. mackenzie always played with his hair in the way that his mom was doing. it was comforting and distressing to him all at the same time; comforting because he knew that at least she loved him, but distressing because of the fond memories he had with his ex.

"i love her so much, mom. she's like... my everything. how could she just not even call?"

"girls are silly sometimes." meredith whispered back. "she'll come around. but i want to talk to you about something, something you need to think about."

"what?" johnny asked, looking up at his mom.

"when you were with mackenzie, do you think your relationship was healthy?"

johnny blinked. "what?"

meredith smiled sadly. "do you think it was healthy for you, yes or no?"

"i don't see why it wasn't healthy. it is- i mean was, my first relationship. i don't even know what's healthy or not, i was just having fun."

"i know baby, i know. and that must hurt, for your first relationship to end so badly. but i think we should talk about this. would that be okay with you?"