Sheraton Academy

Tough To Have a Crush

Rating: PG. Warnings: mention of assault

Kong Yok was angry and scared and frustrated, and the most frustrating part of it was that he didn't know why.

Something about being near JD... did something to him. It was confusing because it felt like maybe, if he understood what it was, it should be pleasant, but he didn't, so it wasn't.

So he was handling it the only way he knew how: by sitting underneath a blanket in his brother's room in his rubber duck pyjama pants and reading children's books while eating candy. He learned English through picture books, so even though it was childish and dumb, there was something comforting about them. He especially liked the ones by Amy Tan.

Currently he was following the adventures of a cat named Sagwa and eating marzipan chunks right off a stick he found in the baking aisle of a tiny little market in the village. Not as pretty as the animals in the candy shop, but much, much cheaper.

He turned another page and took another bite and stubbornly ignored the... things jumbling up together in the back of his head.

JD was weird, but he was so funny, and he was nice and didn't ask invasive questions and Kong Yok liked being around him, but it was different than the way he liked being around Jin Li or Ming Yue-Le. It was different from that Dima person, too, because Kong Yok had initially felt the same way until the other boy unintentionally touched him. But... he didn't think that would happen with JD. Maybe it would even be nice.

Kong Yok didn't even remember what a hug felt like anymore. What it was like to hold the hand of someone he trusted. And he'd never been kissed, not really, because in China he'd been assaulted and that was not the same thing as –

He paused, the page he was about to turn still loose between his fingers. His mouth fell open as he stared vacantly at the wall in front of him, tinted red from the sheet over his head.

"Oh no," he muttered in soft, but angry, Mandarin. He dropped the book and his candy and threw the blanket behind his head, bunching it tightly under his chin like a cloak.

Jin Li calmly looked up from his studies on the bed.

"Kong Yok?" he whispered gently. His brother turned to look at him, dark, tired eyes wide and afraid.

"Jin Li?"

Jin Li nodded, silently urging him to continue.

"What ...what does it feel like to fancy someone?"

Jin Li's eyes widened, but only for a moment before he regained control of his expression. He closed his books and moved to the head of the bed, making room for his brother to join him. Kong Yok did, abandoning his book and marzipan on the floor but keeping the sheet wrapped tightly around his shoulders and arms.

The two sat in silence for a moment, until Jin Li began the conversation by asking, "Is the person a student here?"

Kong Yok's wide, terrified eyes were all the answer he needed, but he still let his brother say it aloud. "Yeah." His voice was soft and wavery. "Am... am I sick?"

"No, no." Jin Li shook his head and gently looped a stray bit of Kong Yok's hair behind his ear. It fell right back into his eyes anyway. "No," he repeated, still soft, but a little firmer. "People fancy who they fancy. Sometimes it's a boy. Sometimes a girl. Sometimes someone who's both, or isn't really either."

Kong Yok frowned in confusion and Jin Li shook his head.

"When you meet Yuki you'll understand. And you will. I think he can help you."