Whatever Occurs: Life, Love, and Loss

This is not My Home

You are back in your mother's nursing home. You knock when you're at the door, but she doesn't respond. You open the door.

Tommie goes before you, puts her hands on your mum's face, starts to cry, and whispers, "Mum! Can you hear me?! Please don't go now."

Your mum faintly whispers, "Tommie Kaitlin, dear, don't you know? This is not my home! I merely just live here until I do return home. I want to do that today."

"I know Earth isn't our home, but how can we carry on without you, Mumma?"

"Know that I will watch over you until you die, and I'll welcome you with open arms when we join together. Death is like a wanted stranger who manages to evade the law. Little do we know that he is the law, the penalty of sin. He comes and patiently waits to snatch away his next victim. He leaves us wondering if we will ever know peace until you and your loved one meet again."

"You fought so hard, and we are all so proud of you. You've shown us what a fighter looks like, and it looks like you."

"Thank you so much, Tommie. Just know that death is our only guarantee in this life, along with eternal life in Jesus Christ if you accept his gift of salvation. I haven't been the best I could be either, but hold tight to this. You only miss one hundred percent of the shots you don't take. Take risks, because that's how you stretch your horizons. Be as weird and adventurous as your soul desires, because you're not getting out of it alive anyway."

You all chuckle, and your mum does as well. Her nurse comes in and sits beside her. Everyone in the room goes up to your mum, hugs her, and says their last words to her before the nurse takes her off life support, including you.

You look your mother in those tired, dreary, wrinkly, gray eyes; and try to find the right words to say. You don't hold back the tears, but let them flow, because you know it's okay to show emotion. You choke up when you open your mouth.

"Mum, I knew it wouldn't be much longer before you return home. When I realized that, I decided to let go of any and all bitterness, resentment, and negativity towards you. Life is not meant for that, it's meant to be lived in love, forgiveness, and positivity. I'd always wanted to live like I was never going to die, but also to seize every opportunity I get before it disappears, and you've been such a great example of strength. You taught me how to fall freely, and to soar like my wings were never going to get clipped. I am beyond thankful for all fifty-nine years I got to spend with you, my beautiful angel. I can't wait to run into your arms again."

"Kayla Melissa, you earned it. You taught me so much more than I thought I was going to teach you. You taught me relentless courage, how to fly, how to be an amazing grandmother and great-grandmother, and patience. I learned from the pain I shared with you, and when I look back at my life, I know that it turned out to be mind-blowing in such a great way with you in it. You are a great woman, wife, daughter, mother, and grandmother. You are leaving behind a legacy for everyone who has ever known you. Keep acting like it."

When everyone after you finishes their final thoughts and says goodbye, the nurse pulls the plug. Your mother closes her eyes, breathes her last breaths, and wheezes, "I'm coming home, Dear Father." She shuts her eyes, puts her hands on her heart, and wears the biggest smile on her face you had ever seen. The nurse checks her heart and brain activity, and can't detect anything.

She waits for you and everyone else to listen in, then says, "Cynthia Mara is now deceased. I am very sorry from the bottom of my heart. I feel honored to have been a part of her life, to have made a positive impact. Please accept my condolences." She goes around to hug every one of you in the room.

Even Tommie, who normally shows no emotion or gets angry when she's sad, finally shows some emotion. In fact, this is the first time you've seen her show emotion in a very long time, but start to become more empathetic toward her when she starts to cry as she hugs Scott and Dayton.

Malyssa tries not to show any emotion. You see her in the corner talking to Jeremy. You go up to her to ask what's wrong. Then, you realize she's almost seven months pregnant.

"Shit!" You mouth to yourself.

You realize you'd only been thinking about yourself and how you feel, and not how everyone else around you feels. You weren't even thinking about how Malyssa feels. She can't handle all of the stress going on in her life, and if it gets to be too much, it can affect Reider! Since she doesn't handle stress very well at all, you know you need to make that change.

You and Malyssa decide to talk to a counselor in the nursing home while Jeremy stays with Braylee and Tessa. She learns a few de-stressing techniques, how to do them properly, and how not to let the stress affect her baby.

You hug Malyssa tight for ten whole minutes, until you feel her stress levels go down. She cries on your shoulder, talks about how much she loves her grandmother, and apologizes to you about your loss.

"No," you rebel, "you deserve an apology. All this time, I'd only been thinking about myself and how I feel. But I can handle the stress, you can't. I've been very selfish not to think about the person who needs the love, reassurance, and support the most! I'm not having a new baby, you are. You're the one who needs an apology, not me. I never did that in malice, but I still feel so shitty! I'm very sorry for not thinking of you and not being there when you need it more than everyone else. I love you, and I want nothing more than to see you happy."

Malyssa smiles and replies, "I forgive you. I know you meant no harm, but I appreciate that you admitted when you were wrong. I don't think you are though, not for focusing on your feelings."

You feel that you've been very selfish. Even though you never meant to harm anyone, you feel extremely guilty of not thinking about your daughter when she needs the love and reassurance the most in such a time as this.