For the love of the game

Chapter 7 // story time

As a child sleeping in wasn't something I was familiar with. Either I had to wake up early for school or was waken up by Jordan's crying. So when I wake up and see that it's already noon I start to freak out.

I try to sit up too quickly and suddenly feel light headed.  Then all the memory's from yesterday come back to me. Shit. I did it again I fainted in the middle of work. Mrs. Connor was for sure going to not let me work as many hours.  I needed the money. 

I'm so fucking dumb. If I wouldn't of been so self centered and just eaten something this wouldn't of happened again.  Looks like I'll have to take up a side job to make a little more cash.

I push my thought aside and get up slowly to use the bathroom. After using the bathroom I walk to the kitchen where I find my siblings making a mess. 

"Oh hey Alex how are you feeling ?" Jason says sincerely

" I'm okay now I just have to eat a little something." I'm not too happy about eating but if something happens to me then I can't watch my siblings and I don't know what would happen to them.

"Well me and Jordan were making you breakfast sit down."

I appreciate the effort but I don't know what to expect coming off that stove.

"Here we just made some pancakes and eggs." I am handed a plate by my brother Jason. And I have to say it doesn't look bad at all they look pretty good.

"They are your favorite right?" Asked my five year old sister hopefully

"Yes they are and I bet they taste delicious, Thank you so much." I say trying to sound happy.

I stir my food around with my fork taking small bites trying to eat enough but not too much.  Maybe I'll throw it up later or something.

"Hey Jason how did I get home, did Mrs. Connor bring me." I ask wondering how the heck they got me to the third floor.

"Funny story actually, um cody bellinger brought you up." My stomach does a flip. I try to contain myself and then say "why would he bring me up where was Mrs. Connor?" At this point I'm kind of panicking.

He knows where we live. Would he use it against us. Tell the kids at school so they can make fun of where we live too. Jason doesn't deserve that.

"Cody said she had to stay  behind since the place was really busy, but he's a really nice guy Alex he would be really good for u.  Shit if you don't want him I'll have him. Plus he gave us tickets for  tonight's game. He said he wanted to clear things up with you."

"I understand if your not up to it but please Alex let's not let these go to waste."  I give him a sympathetic look

"alright fine but if he try's anything we are leaving I don't need to be lead on by another guy. You know what happened last time."

I recall the memory as clear as day when it happened. My boy friend Jackson and I had been dating for awhile and he finally wanted to have sex. I started to panic since I was super self conscious about my body plus I wasn't ready. I was a sophomore at the time and he was a senior. I was still 15 while he was already 18. We were at his house when no one was home. We were watching movies in his room when he started to get really touchy. Touching my things my arms my stomach my butt. I was frozen most of the time I didn't want to make him mad have him stop but I felt disgusted. 

He got up from the bed and we started making out. He took off his shirt and tried to take off mine. I told him to stop but he was twice my size and got it off anyways.  He started kissing me everywhere while holding my hands on each side of my head. I was begging him to stop but he wouldn't. I was kicking and screaming and then he hit me. Straight on the cheek. Full force. I didn't black out It's not like it was my first time being hit. 

But this gave him the opportunity to take my pants off exposing me.   I felt my underwear being slid off and then pain between my legs. Jackson went on to kissing my neck while he was thrusting in me. Whispering "I love yous" asking me if that's what I wanted to hear. I just let it happen I didn't cry I didn't move. I stared blankly past him at the ceiling fan. I told myself just to focus on the way the the fan was moving. 

When it was over he got up and left. Just walked out of the room.  Probably to take a shower. I gathered my stuff got dressed and ran out the house.

He texted me later that night he told that if I told anyone he would take my father down. Not that I cared about him but without his paycheck we'd probably be taken away from our mom or we'd starve to death. You see his dad was a cop a powerful one with connections so I didn't think twice about keeping my mouth shut.  I wasn't going to have my siblings and I separated because of some asshole who couldn't keep it in his pants.

Anyways after that he told the whole school about me begging for him. I was named the underclass slut. He told everyone how I would eat around him because I wanted attention. Anorexic, slut , whore , dumb bitch.  You name it I've been called it. By my class mates and even my own parents. 

I snap out of my thoughts and wipe a stray tear that seemed to find its way down my cheek. 

My brother made me stay in bed after breakfast telling me to rest up before the game tonight. My little sister was having a play date with one of the other kids in the apartment complex so it was just my brother and I.  We watched movies until it was three and we decided to start getting ready. The game started at 5:30. 

I showered ignoring my thoughts about my body. For some reason I felt compelled to wear a little bit of make up some mascara and a touch of lipgloss. I decide to leave my hair down and put on a white tang top and tuck it into my black ripped jeans. I make sure to take my black hoodie that says anti social club on the back.  Maybe cody will take a hint and leave me alone.

I get my sister dressed in a blue dodger shirt and dark blue jeans. I grab her a dodger hoodie and remind my brother to bring a jacket in case it gets cold.

We get in my car and head to the field. Going to this game feels a lot different than the last one. I'm a lot more nervous I put more effort into my outfit and actually did my hair somewhat.  What scares me the most is that I haven't felt this way since Jackson.