memory {boyxboy}

2; Sorry

May 18

Status: No improvement since the last two days.

--

Nothing was the same anymore, the world was completely different. Everything and everyone was changing. I visit the hospital as much as I can just to tell him I love him. Yeah I know, stupid me. But what was I suppose to do before then? He hurted me so many time before I didn't know it would end up like this. There was a lot I didn't know about him I guess. They all just fell into place.

All those long sleeves on hot days...

All those smiles and laughs...

I should've been a better boyfriend. I knew nothing that was going on in his life, I didn't know he was suicidal or depressed.

I held his hand and it felt so icy cold compared from the other times where I loved the comfort of his warm hands. I kissed the back palm slowly.

"I'm so sorry"

No response.

"Kellin please wake up, please" I rested my head light on his forearm, where his bandages were. I cried softly, wishing he was awake, with me... laughing and having a good time.

Was anything we had real? Or did he fake that too?

There was so many questions but there was only two question right now:

Is he alright?

Is he going to make it?

"Mr. Fuentes, sorry, we're here to run some test and the police department are here to see you" The nurse smiled sweetly, and I nodded, letting go if his hands, missing its comfort already.

I walked out into the lobby to see couple polices out there waiting for me.

"Victor Fuentes right?" one man asked. I nodded nervously. Without anything else, they started walking, so I assumed I should follow them.

They took me to their department, to ask me questions.

"Hello, Mr. Vic Fuentes correct?" the guy said. I nodded.

"I'm Officer Carlile, and that fine sir behind you is Officer Ashby. Are you aware you're here because of Kellin Quinn." I nodded, fiddling with thumbs. "You've been in some type of relationship right?" he asked and I nodded.

"For how long?"

"4 years..."

"Did you know he was depressed, or for the least suicidal?"

"Not a bit" I felt guilty that I didn't know him well.

"Do you know what caused this?"

I nodded saying, "I did..."

"How?" He started writing down on his pad.

"I broke off the relationship and told him I hated him and never wanted to see him again, but it swear I didn't mean it..." I choked back some tears. All he did was nod.

"Ok, we also found this crumbled up on the ground" he looked up at Officer Ashby, motioning him to come. He brung a bag with that note-- Kellin's suicide note. My heart stopped for a moment just seeing that right in front of me.

"Do you see this?" I nodded,

"Have you read it?"

"Only part of it" I admitted.

"I suggest you read the whole thing" Carlile handed me the bag, as I took it out the bag I continuted reading from where I left off.

'You probably don't care that I'm dead right now, but I care about you. I now mean nothing to you, so I just want you to forget me, pretend I don't exists anymore,' I couldn't take it, I started crying,

"I can't read this" I shook my head covering my face.

"But you need too" he clear his throat,

"I can't..."

"Maybe this will help," he handed me a book.

"What's this?"

"We searched for any evidence in his bookshelf and found this" he slid it over to me.

I took it quickly, and opened to first page. There were drawings of me, songs. It more like his personal diary.

'No words can't explain how much I loved this guy' it read under a drawing of me.

My heart was aching.

'They say that love is forever... your forever is all the I need' I skimmed through the pages. Until it was almost the very end.

'My innocence was taken away, I was used. If Vic finds out I'm dead meat, but if I don't tell him it'll kill me I'm keeping something from him.

I'm so stupid and I should've let him kill me then, so I wouldn't face Vic right now. Would he think I was cheating?

4/23/14

Mama died today.

4/ 28/14

I feel like shit, my head hurts and woke up naked-' I couldn't read it. I just couldn't. It was too much to handle.

"Am I done here?" my voice cracked, and Carlile nodded. I got up quickly as Ashby led me to the double doors. I inhaled the fresh air as the wind blew,

'Do I really know Kellin?' I thought.

🌿

Edited