memory {boyxboy}

3; Disease

May 25

Status: No improvements

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I've been aching to read the his little diary, but I couldn't. He's not dead yet and how would he react if he woke up and know I was looking through his personal stuff?

Kellin was a kind guy, he never yelled at me, even when I did yell at him. He would just apologize and make it up for a date night. Stupid of me to break it off, but I couldn't get out the fact that he was cheating. He even wrote it down 'I woke up naked'!

I remembered that from his diary.

He was fucking some other guy when he was drunk, but at the same time his mom died. But still, what he did was wrong. I can't be blamed for this, right?

I knew I shouldn't do this but I had no choice, I picked up the book, turning to page I last left on.

It read:

'I woke up naked and I freaked out. I kept crying that I did this to someone I love, he'll probably hate me when he finds out.

Note to self: Never drink again.

4/2/11

'So Jaime came to my apartment today, and started touching me and kissing me. It took me a while to realize that this was Jaime, because Vic's lips weren't as rough and big as his. I told myself to never drink again and I failed. If I tell Vic would he believe me? Thoughts about dad was coming back of all those time being raped' I dropped the book and it landed on my toe.

I felt dizzy and my chest felt like it was on fire. How the hell did I not know about this?

I picked up the book and flipped a page. It was all the note to selfs on what I yelled at him for.

Note to self: Don't drink from the milk carton, it will get Vic mad

Note to self: Don't go anywhere without Vic knowing

Note to self: Don't be a fuck up and make him happy for once.

There were more notes, I was taken back a bit.

I looked at the time on my phone, and rushed my shoes on and grabbed my car keys.

On my way to the hospital I was processing some things,

He was molested as a kid. I accused him of cheating because Jaime and.... but why didn't he tell me Jaime was lying?

Because you wouldn't let him explain dumbass, I sighed.

If Jaime was touching Kellin, then why did Jaime come to me saying Kellin came onto him? I had so many questions right now, but Jaime on vacation, and Kellin is in a coma.

"Fuck" I whispered to myself.

I couldn't believe Jaime taught me into that Kellin was actually cheating on me. I pulled over my car in the middle of the streets. I rested my head on the steering wheel, sobbing.

I did this to him. What happens if he doesn't make it? Well for starters, never talking to Jaime again.

I need to know more about him. I checked my side mirrors to see if any cars coming and went back on the road.

Instead of going to the hospital, I went to Kellin's house instead.

I took a key he lend me, and unlocked the door, closing it behind me. I ran upstairs to his room searching through is bookshelf. Well this guy has been reading more books than I had girlfriends in my lifetime. Jesus.

I groaned, scanning his room until I found a bright green neon box in his closet. I rushed to open it and the sight was frightening.

Blades were everywhere, so was burners, a knife and a...rope? I felt my stomach drop and my hand was shaking. I lifted up all the obsticles finding a letter. I picked it up slowly, as I read the print.

'From: Kellin

To: Vic

A thank you letter'

I opened it up quickly.

'I don't know how to say this and it's hard but I was diagnose with cancer a while back, but I beat it. The thing is, that it came back and I wasn't able to cure it. I have about 2 years left to live because of that surgery. And before I disappear, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for being a wonderful friend and boyfriend and I deeply love you. Who knows? I could beat it again or not. I know I screwed up time to time and I just want you to know that I, Kellin Quinn, is a depressed kid and can't get or do anything right. I'm sorry for the things I've done to make our realtionship go down at times. I don't mean anything and I'd do nothing to hurt you in any way. Before I'm gone, I want to let you know how lucky I am to have a guy like you, and when I'm gone someone else could have you and be a boyfriend I never was to you. Thank you for being at my side at times. I love you

-Kellin Bostwick Quinn

6/03/12'

I reread the note, looking for some kind of clue. I wanted to cry. I checked the date that he marked on bottom of the page. I noticed how he wrote this back in 2012. I covered my mouth as my eyes brimmed with tears.

He only had two years...and it's 2014.

This couldn't be happening right now. I threw the envelope, and rushed downstairs, hopping into the car, driving to my house.

Once I reached I looked under my matress to find $50-70,000 there. It was passed down to my great great grandparents. I don't care if I spend all of it, I want that killer shit out of him.

^*^*^*^*

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T TREAT IT?" I yelled, while tears washed over my face,

"I'm sorry sir, he has a brain tumor and it already took over half his brain. It's also impossible to do surgery while he's mentally unstable,"

"Please, I'll do whatever. Is there another way? Please tell me there's another way...."

"I'm sorry" The lady said sadly.

I sighed in defeat,

"H-how much time does he have left"

"Around 4-10weeks...if I'm not mistaken" She said.

"Fuck." I muttered, "Isn't there another way? Please. I'll donate all my organs for him, please save him. He can't die!"

"Mister, I already told you, there is nothing I can do"

"I'll donate my kidney"

"That won't help"

"Then what can I do?" I asked desperately, "I can't watch him die right in front of me..." I pleaded.

"I'm sorry" she apologized.

I shook my head, waving her off.I can't believe this shit is happening right now...

🌿

Edited