memory {boyxboy}

10; Bye

June 27

Status: dramatic decrease in health

{trigger warning towards the end}

--

For the past 2-3 weeks I wasn't able to see Kellin, and it killed me everytime I couldn't. I have a new addiction now... and I couldn't help it.

Each scar represents Kellin and how much I love him. Sometimes I can't believe I did this to him, I guess it's just reality.

I don't even know if he's getting better or not. I sat quietly at the dinner table, alone, eating breakfast.

Part of me feels invisible. Mike doesn't want to live with me anymore, he moved in with our parents leaving me all alone.
Some of my friends don't even know about Kellin... but it's not like I care.

~*~*~*

July 6

Status: unknown

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Two months.

Two months he's been in the hospital, and basically a week or so and I've hear nothing. I'm starting to loose hope, even though I can't.

I looked out the window from my bed, seeing the moon light up the night sky. It was a full moon tonight. I sat up from the bed, looking at all the pictures of Kellin and I, smiling, being childish, and some were family photos.

"I miss you" my lips quivered, and I was starting to cry again. I took deep shaky breaths, trying to calm myself down.

I heard a noise from downstairs, and I stayed still.

"Vic?" I heard Jaime. How in god's name did he get in here?

"Up here" I called out, and seconds later I saw the door knob twist. His eyes were red, puffy, and filled with anger.

"What's wrong? Wh-" he charged towards me basically punching my face non-stop.

"S-stop" I begged protecting my head,

"You deserved that, and much more" he spat leaving, also leaving me in confusion.

"Fuck you" I heard him. I laid on my bed, practically sobbing. I didn't bother sleeping. I made an effort to make a move to the bathroom.

I took the blade and once again, 24 on each arm. I looked up from my reflection, seeing myself badly bruised with dried blood staining my face.

"Pathetic" I whispered.

I slammed my fist onto the bathroom counter crying.

Why am I so stupid? I'm becoming so weak.... I hate this, a lot.

Is this what normal people feel like? So empty that they want to die so much but they don't have the guts too?

I kept thinking and thinking before darkness consumed me.

~*~*~*~*

July 13

Status: ...

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I'm still recovering from Jaime's random abuse. I still don't know why he did it, I tried calling him I but I received no answer. I went to his house put he would either punch me in my face or slam the door.

I seriously need answers right now, but how will I get them? Jaime is on rage mode.... to think about it, I haven't visited the hospital in a while. I shot up from my seat from my couch, grabbing my phone, car keys, and my shoes and basically running out.

"I hope you're doing ok baby" I whispered, hoping he's still fighting for his life.

I parked my car, in my usual spot before leaving the car.

I casually walk into the building, see Tay talking to another nurse. As soon as she made contact with me, her face changed, longingly.
"Excuse me for a second" she smiled at the young nurse, then made her way to me.

"Vic.... hey, um hi....hey...hello. Why are you here?"

"I'm here for Kellin, why else?"

"You didn't get the news did you?" she frowned,

"What news?"

I received no answer.

"What's going on Tay?" she went quiet,

"Taylor Jardine, what the fuck is happening" I felt nervous about what happened.

She opened her mouth to talk, but quickly closed it. Her face shown guilt and sorrow...

He didn't..

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A/N: Sorry about your feels, but I'm not sorry.

But this is important message. Everyone take a moment to thank kellicfeels for this cover (: Thanks hun, (anaconda don't want nun unless you got kellic hun...sorry I had too)

🌿

Edited