-•-
major tw for this chapter (abuse & rape) i'll put another warning before it happens so you can skip that bit if you would like
-•-
roger was going out tonight, only to freddie's though. they were having a boys night together for the first time in a while, i didn't mind too much as sometimes roger was a bit of a handful and i liked being alone once in a while. roger was quite stressed at the moment as they were all about to go on a tour of america, which i was honoured to be invited to. i think roger would quite frankly die if i wasn't there to take care of him.
i had recently started to take up sewing, i used to do it when i was young as an escape from reality. i would always design flamboyant clothes which i would never dare to wear. i had started to take more risks with my fashion recently, this was mainly due to freddie. he would always wear extravagant clothes that no one else could ever pull off. i had actually designed him some clothes but i knew i would never show him them. i just like the idea of it all.
roger had left around an hour ago and i didn't expect him to back until late so i had planned a whole pamper night for myself. i was going to watch my two favourite films of all time no matter what. they both had the actor johnny depp in, who was utterly gorgeous, obviously not as gorgeous as roger though. i would probably watch benny and joon first, then what's eating gilbert grape after. (these films didn't come out that year but just imagine they did). i also planned to do a face mask and eat a shit load of ice cream, but that wasn't different to any other friday night.
~2 hours later~
it was coming towards the end of benny and joon and i was snuggled up in a thick blanket. i ought to make roger watch this film, it was honestly so amazing and cute. it was around 10 and i was slightly tired. i jumped out of my skin as i heard a knock at the door. i was confused as it was 10 pm, who would be knocking on my door at this time of night. i figured it could be mary or something so i forced myself up and shouted 'i'm coming'.
i opened the rusted door and peered out into the dark abyss. two piercing brown eyes stared into my soul. i recognised those menacing eyes. my heart dropped to the floor as i realised who it was. alex.
'what the fuck do you want?' i exclaimed trying to sound not afraid, inside i was terrified. roger wasn't here to protect me. 'as bitchy as ever i see' he snarled.
~ TRIGGER WARNING ~
alex almost ploughed into me, a dirty smirk covering the lower half of his face. he pressed his body against mine, holding my arms above my head. i was in pure shock, i didn't know what to do. he shoved me onto the floor undressing me but still holding me down. he was at least twice as big and as strong as me. i tried to scream but he shoved his large palm over my mouth. 'don't make this difficult you whore' he snarled. i was shaking uncontrollably and i was in severe pain.
it was quick but felt like centuries. it was extremely painful. i had never expected this to happen. i thought the whole thing had blown over. he pulled his large jeans back up and walked out the door. 'that's what you deserve you slut. it's you're fault that happened' he spat.
~ TRIGGER WARNING OVER ~
i laid utterly traumatised on the floor for around an hour. i felt dirty and disgusting. his words echoed in my mind. i did deserve it. i was too shaken up to move much so i curled in a little ball and wrapped my arms around my legs. flashbacks played in my mind of what had just happened. it was a bad dream i couldn't wake up from.
~1 hour later~
i heard footsteps outside and i completely freaked out, not that i was calm in the first place. i had been sat in a pool of tears for ages, too afraid to move. i was disgusted in myself, i couldn't stand looking at myself. the footsteps came closer as keys rattled in the door. all my tears had been used up and i was just in shock now. i sat on the floor in a ball almost lifeless.
a mop of blonde hair came through the red door, he proceeded to shout 'y/n i'm ba-' not noticing i was sat on the floor until mid way through his sentence. roger could instantly tell that something was up. 'what happened? what's wrong? are you okay?' he said in a panicked tone. i opened my mouth but no words came out. i started balling my eyes out again. roger scooped me up and took me upstairs and he hugged me tight on the bed until i managed to collect my words a little. 'i-it was a-a-alex' i cried 'h-he hurt me'. a deep frown hit rogers face and he calmly asked 'what did he do love?'. 'h-he raped me' i shouted, starting to ball my eyes out again. shock hit rogers face, his face looked like he had just been stabbed. 'love- i-' he stuttered. 'this is my fault, i shouldn't have gone out' he quietly said, tears starting to form in his eyes. 'i'll run you a hot bath, okay? everything will be fine, i promise' he said reassuringly.
roger leapt up and walked to the bathroom. i quickly stood up and chased after him, almost falling over. i didn't want to leave his side. i felt unsafe if i couldn't even see him. he grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently, almost saying 'it's okay'.
he turned the tap so the hot water ran soothingly in the bath tub. roger turned around so he was facing me. he kissed me gently and whispered 'i love you'. i didn't have any words left. i just cried into his shoulder.
~30 minutes later~
i had rubbed every inch of my skin so much it burnt. i wanted to get rid of alex's touch but it still lingered. i forced roger to wait directly outside the bathroom door the whole time as i was still terrified.
we curled up together in the cosy bed. my head nestled in the safe nook of rogers neck. he rubbed gently circles on my back and planted kisses all down my face. i hadn't said much that night, i physically couldn't. 'i love you. more then anything and anyone. we'll get through this together, i'll always be there for you love, no matter what. you're the most beautiful and kindest person i have ever met and i would be dead without you in my life. i want to be with you forever, and i'm not just saying that. you're the only person i have felt this way for. i will always want you in my life and you mean the world to me. i would genuinely die for you.' he said meaningfully. his words made my heart do a backflip. i still couldn't say anything so i just wrapped my arm around him and we cuddled for what felt like decades. that night was full of restlessness and nightmares. i wanted to wake up from this illusion, but i was trapped. trapped by alex. there was no escape from him. i knew this wouldn't be something that just blew over in a week. this would always stay with me. and quite frankly, right now, roger is the only thing keeping me alive.
-•-
a/n
woah sorry about that, i just kinda got carried away. sorry i haven't updated in a while, i'm just going through some personal issues rn and i hope you understand.
keep reading <3
~h
xx
