i hadn't slept well last night and when i did finally get to sleep i was woken up by alex stumbling in at 2 in the morning. i sleepily stumbled downstairs to see alex completely drunk he gave an uneasy smirk, which made me slightly uncomfortable. 'where have you been?' i said trying to be nice as i still feared him. 'why do you care, bitch' he said loudly. i kept my mouth shut. he was just drunk and he didn't mean it. 'why don't you get to sleep' i asked sweetly, 'fuck off whore, don't tell me what to do' and he dragged himself upstairs. i didn't want to risk him hurting me again so i grabbed my coat and slipped on my boots and walked to delilah and jakes apartment. i figured i couldn't go to rogers because of what i had said. i walked extremely fast as anxiety filled my body, it was 2am in london, anything could happen. i knew for a fact jake would be up, he's always up until 4 or 5 in the morning, so is delilah sometimes.
i had reached their apartment and i gently knocked on their blue door. jake answered with no shirt on, i'd known him my whole life and i would never have feelings for him but i'd never noticed how good looking he was before. 'is delilah awake?' i asked shivering, it was freezing tonight. 'nope and i'm going to bed now, need a place to stay?' jake asked nicely. 'uh yeah if that's okay' i quietly responded. 'it's fine, you know where the spare room is, oh and there's old t-shirt's and pyjamas in the wardrobe in there so help yourself' he replied with a smile. jake had always been incredibly nice to me and he was always there for me even though we were never super close. 'thanks jake' i smiled back. 'you're welcome, sleep well' jake said. 'and you' i replied. he stumbled off to his room and i went into the spare room and shut the door as quietly as possible.
i got some of delilah's pyjamas out the wardrobe and slipped them on. the bed was so comfy and cosy, not like mine at all. i got into the bed, pulling the soft duvet over me and switched off the light beside me. i was left alone with my thoughts and i hated it. maybe i should leave alex, but then again i do love him. and i had really fucked up with roger and i the kiss still lingered in my mind. if alex found out about that i have no clue what he could do. peace entered my mind as i slowly slipped into sleep.
~10 am~
i woke up to laughter coming from the living room and i quickly jumped out of bed and put some clothes on just in case someone came in. i flattened my messy hair out so it was a bit better and walked out to see delilah, jake, freddie, deaky, brian and roger. roger. i felt myself go red as silence hit the room and roger looked directly at me. they all greeted me with happiness, except roger who simply said 'can i talk to you? outside.'. i gulped and nodded. we stood on the balcony, the cold air hitting me. 'i'm sorry', i truly was sorry. 'i'm sorry too' roger said. 'you don't need to be sorry, i lashed out on you and i shouldn't have. i regret it so much and you didn't deserve it' i said letting all my emotions out. 'i understand if you don't forgiv-' and before i could finish my sentence his lips were against mine. again. i felt something, the same feeling as before but more powerful. this time he snaked his arms around me and pulled me closer' we were interrupted by a loud voice i recognised too well shouting 'you slut'. it could only be one person. alex. i had forgotten about alex and of course he knew i was here. jake had probably told him as they are best friends. 'alex i-' i was scared and angry with myself. my love for alex was fading as he was changing. what i did was wrong but it felt right. roger quickly pulled me closer to him as if he was protecting me. 'get the fuck away from her. you hurt her' roger shouted at alex. 'she deserved it. she is a slut. and this is proof' he said to roger but looking at me. i felt tears flooding my eyes. freddie must have heard what was going on and had shouted 'OUT.' directly at alex. i loved freddie, he was always there for me, even when i was in the wrong. 'this isn't the end of this y/n' alex spat and turned around and stormed off.
i ran and locked myself in the bathroom and just cried. i heard a knock at the door and just replied with 'i'll be out in a minute', my voice breaking. 'love, are you alright'. it was roger. i slowly unlocked the door and roger came in looking slightly sad. 'i'm sorry. it's my fault. i kissed you' roger said. 'i didn't stop you' i said, still crying a little bit. 'let's go back to mine and watch a movie' roger said trying to enlighten the mood.
~20 minutes later~
we were now sat on rogers black velvet sofa. we had this movie on but i wasn't paying much attention to it. i was a slut, alex was right and i had messed up and now lost alex. 'love, i'll always protect you, you know. alex won't hurt you again' roger gently said. i didn't say anything. roger had sat up and lifted my chin up with his finger. 'i like you' he said, those words made me feel something. i felt things for roger but i did still love alex, i didn't want to feel anything for either of them but here i was.
i don't know why but i felt the need to kiss roger. my emotions were all over the place and i didn't know what to do with myself. so i did. i kissed him. his hand tangled in my hair, i said 'i think i like you too', i didn't want to admit it and i was trying to force myself against the idea of liking roger but i couldn't help it. after that i fell asleep on roger, his arms wrapped tightly around me, making me feel safe. like nothing could ever harm me. not even alex.
-•-
a/n
i feel like i'm escalating too fast and idk what to do uh. this story isn't the best so far but i'll try to improve :)
keep reading <3
~h
xx
