[Dec. 10, 2019 #1 in JBFF]
The bad boys always want the good girl to be bad for them but what happends when the bad girl wants the good boy to be bad just for her?
"You are way too good," she said to me.
"Way too good?" I asked, raising my eyebrow...
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It was raining outside. From a distance, the faint noise of thunder was audible as dark clouds moved over the city of Atlanta and the thick raindrops hit the less crowded sidewalk that I was walking on. The weather forecast had predicted that this day was going to be filled with rain and that a thunderstorm was going to rage through the city, kind of matching my current mood.
I wasn't in the mood to go back to uni but seeing that I only had a few weeks left until the final exams came up and I had already missed a whole month by staying home and not studying at all, I had no other choice. It was not like I actually gave a fuck at this point but I already had come this far and I didn't want to fuck that up too.
The last four weeks had been a lot to deal with and until now I was still not over the passing of my grandmother and honestly speaking, I had no idea how long it was going to take for me to cope with that. It was evident that I couldn't forget about everything right away but I hoped that I was going to find a balance and a way to properly deal with my feelings soon.
The first week had definitely been the most difficult week I had to go through ever. Once I had gotten back in Atlanta from Seattle with my friends and I entered my house, I had been immediately told my grandmother was literally about to die. I had been so confused about what the fuck was actually happening but I had not much time to be concerned about that. It had been like she had been waiting for me to get there and to hold her hand before she left this world and quite frankly, I didn't know how to deal with that.
I had not been myself after that day. I barely slept because everytime I went to bed, I had had the image of my grandma dying in my arms in my head and I barely ate since I literally had no appetite. I had not talked to anyone as I had not felt like communicating with anybody. I had ignored my mother mostly, my friends and all theirs text messages and calls and my girlfriend... unless that one time when I had lost it and I completely went off on her.
I knew that I had gone over the top and I had evidently not been myself but at that point, I had not cared about anybody else's feelings or about all of the consequences so for the most part, I had not felt guilty at all.
On the second week we had my grandmother funeral at the Westview Cemetery here in Atlanta, where my grandfather was buried also and after that I was miserable. I knew that everyone had been here to support me, my friends, Loyce... Even my father had come all the way from Toronto and my big brother, his wife and the kids had made it too and I would have been happy to see them if it had not been such a sad occasion why we saw each other again.
I had really wanted to be left alone so that I could have collected myself and dealt with the way I had been feeling because I had not been feeling anywhere near good and at that point nobody was going to make me feel better so I might have just dealt with the situation myself and that was exactly what I did for another week.
