My Muse

14

Jinyoung spent the rest of his day sitting at his computer.

He stared at the screen and empty webpage that he had to fill with words and photos that had yet to be done. Mostly because he was procrastinating again. In that folder labeled 'my muse' Jinyoung sifted through the hundreds of pictures of Mark he owned, taking in each and every one of them, admiring the individual beauty of them all.

His heart hurt. His head hurt a little too, mostly from thinking too much and beating himself up over Mark and the work he still kept putting off. It sucked to be in love.

Jinyoung has pondered giving up so many times. Why keep holding onto those feelings when it's so obvious they'll never be returned?

Hope is what kept him going.

The tiny sliver of hope that he hated so much yet clutched onto as if his life depended on it was what kept him from completely throwing out his feelings for Mark.

And besides, unloving someone wasn't easy.

The moments they share and small conversations they have that make Jinyoung's heart skip a beat makes him want to wait for Mark little bit longer. Every time they talk or hug or sleep together or eat together-- literally do anything together-- every single time Jinyoung tells himself 'maybe there is something between us'. And there are some people who don't waste their time on such thoughts, it's either they were meant to be or not.

Jinyoung was obviously not that type of person.

He could never just forget Mark. Betray his feelings. Be content with being 'friends'. He never could, and never would, even if for the rest of his life their relationship would never change beyond that. Even if Mark meets someone else that he's romantically interested in. Even if he were the best man at Mark's goddamn wedding. He'd still love Mark til the end of time.

A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he realized he'd trailed off into his thoughts again.

The pain of seeing Mark with someone else. He couldn't bear it. Thankfully Mark hasn't met anyone special to him yet. But Jinyoung knew it was only a matter of time. And he wasn't ready for it at all.

He was snapped out of his head by the sudden buzzing of his phone. Jinyoung looked down at the device on the table, eyes furrowing together as he read the caller ID.

Mark? Again?

Something must be wrong.

Or maybe he changed his mind, maybe he wants to come over and sleep at Jinyoung's place again.

Maybe he's right outside of the apartment.

With hope driving him again, Jinyoung quickly picked up.

"Hello?" He answered. There was a bit of shuffling on the other end. Muffled voices. "Hello?" Jinyoung repeated.

Jinyoung could make out Mark's voice almost instantly. He knew it was him. He always knew. But there was another voice he couldn't make out. It was hard to hear.

"Mark? You there?" Jinyoung pressed the phone closer to his ear, concentrating to hear what was going on a bit clearer.

A bit more shuffling was heard, like the phone was being moved around, before Jinyoung could finally hear Mark's voice clearly.

"Yeah Jaebum, I don't know what to do."

Jaebum? That was another one of Mark's close friends. Jinyoung had met him briefly. They clicked with one another for a short time, but that was the only time they've ever really interacted with one another. Why was Mark with him even though he had called earlier and said he was going home? He must've dialled Jinyoung by mistake.