Sincerely Yours, Bill Cipher

Let's Continue Living

     Dawn is breaking when we get home. We've been bombarding Yule with questions ever since.
     "Are you okay? You know, emotionally?" Regards, Mabel.
     "I will be. Thank you."
     "Why do you think the iron hurt you then when it generally doesn't?" From, Dipper.
     "Um, probably because Tyler was intentional about trying to make me go away. And he's paranormal, so..."
     "Could you tell that me and Bill saw you in a dream? That's what led us to help you." Yours truly, Pacifica.
"You did? No, I had no idea. I was so relieved you came, though."
"Are you in pain now, darling?" Love, Merrily.
"I'm really okay, Merrily. It's weird that I felt anything at all, really. I just feel kind of worn out, which is also weird, but I'm recovering quickly. Thanks for worrying about me."
"Does it bother you too much that we had to come rescue you?" Sincerely yours, Bill.
He thinks for a moment about this one. "Well, I did feel like I was in a weak position, asking for help, but I really was in trouble. I know I can always count on you guys, so I don't think it bothers me all that much anymore. Especially now, since I see what came out of it. I got to show Tyler who I am, and tell him all the things I needed to say. As he did I. And now you all are safe, and I'm so glad for that. And I'm safe too, so now I can continue to stay with all of you."
     "I'm so glad you're okay," Merrily mumbles, frowning and looking down at the ground. "I don't know what I'd do if you weren't. We were so worried, you know."
"Then what do you say we take a break?" Yule suggests. "We all could use a little fun, especially after all that. How about a date? For all of us!"
"Are you sure you're up for it yet, Yule? And you too, Bill? You yourself have also had quite the morning," Mabel says softly.
Oh gosh, she's right. Before this whole ordeal with Yule and Tyler, I lost Will. I made a horrible mistake, and I did away with my own brother. How could I be so careless? I do miss him, but the pang in my heart is nothing compared to the hurt of when I lost Yule. My love for him was nothing compared to my love for my friends. Does that mean... did I even love him at all? How do you define love?
Yule looks at me with concern. "Did something happen? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. It's just... it's a long story. For now, we need to contact the Society and tell them that we solved the Tyler issue, and that they have no need to interfere further."
"Sounds good," Pacifica agrees. "But first off, how about a nap? I sure could use one."
The others agree, and we decide to meet up at 5:00 P.M. for dinner. We head our separate ways. Yule decides to come with me and the Pines to the Shack. I wonder why, though I decide not to ask. It's practically his home now too.
The three of us pass out on the couch as soon as we get home. Everyone else at home is already, but I think they know right now that we are exhausted and not to be disturbed for the time being. I don't know what Yule does. Can he ghost sleep? I'll have to ask him some time. For now, I drift off...
:::::::::::::
I wake up before the twins. I check the clock on the wall. It's 2:00 P.M. already. I slept way longer than I thought I would. I go to the kitchen to grab something to eat, and when I return, Yule hovers by the door.
"You're awake," he states, however obvious it may be.
"Yeah, you good?" I ask, finishing my bagel. We go outside to avoid stirring Dipper and Mabel from their rest.
"I was wondering if you wanted to go somewhere with me," he continues, vague as ever. If he could shift his feet on the ground, I'm sure he would. He looks anxious.
"Did you have a place in mind?"
"My headstone."
Oh. Well, that's not what I had been expecting. "O-Of course."
"Have you been?" he asks, genuinely interested.
"Not since they buried you," I admit, remembering that horrid day. No, it wasn't him anymore. It was a body. Not Yule. Not my best friend. Simply a filled box, filled not only with his corpse, but our grief.
Tyler and Mrs. Shields were nearest. Tyler was stiff, his face contorted with agony as he held his distraught mother. Her whole frame shook as she sobbed and cried out, clutching the flowers that she would put on her baby's grave.
I thought about him in that box. When we saw him at the viewing just a day before. It wasn't Yule. How could he look so different without a smile? How could he be the same boy that was with me all year when his skin was five shades paler? They pieced together and covered up his wounds, masking his rotting, sickly scent with oils and perfumes that masked my friend even further.
And yet, there he was, dead.
And there I was, alive.
I couldn't move, Yule. I stood there over you, gripping the sides of the coffin. I know I was weeping. Mabel held me as I cried, pulled me away from you as others were gathering behind us. I couldn't even face your family after. I felt so wretched, not even able to give condolences to the ones who loved you most yet. The ones who loved you even more than I did.
I would have given anything for me to have been in that box instead of you. I know it would have broken Mabel's heart, yours, Pacifica's... but who else really? If it was my funeral, who would be there? You, certainly, and the Pineses, the Ramirezes, Pacifica, perhaps Merrily and a couple other classmates, but that's it. You had a family. There were dozens of people at that funeral mourning for you.
I needed it to be me then. You, Yule, the bad things you'd done in your life amounting to nothing compared to the grotesque things I'd done. I should have died that day. And I would've, had it not been for you.
"-hey. Bill. Say something. I'm sorry, are you okay?" Yule is now inches from me, his hands resting on my shoulders. I didn't even realize when he started speaking to me.
"No, no, I'm sorry," I shake my head, clearing myself of terrible thoughts. "I'm fine. I just... got lost in some memories."
"You're not fine," Yule concludes, eyeing me with worry. "I'm worried about you, Bill. You thought I've not been the same guy since I became like this, and I'm not. We figured that all out a while ago. But I changed in a way that's alright. I'm better now. But you haven't been the same Bill either since I died. I want to make you better too, Bill, I really do. I know death is such a hard thing, and I'm sorry to have put you through all that, but is there anything I can do for you now?"
"I need time, Yule!" I snap. "I don't know if I'll be the same again! Your family certainly won't be! Are you okay with that? You weren't there, Yule!" I cry out in frustration and guilt and anger and sadness and so many other things.
"Because I was dead," he whispers his eyes pooling with tears. "I'm sorry. It's not fair for me to ask you to go back to who you were. I still love you for who you are now. I should never have implied that I changed for the better, but you didn't. Forgive me. I don't care who you turn out to be. I just want you to be happy." His voice drops even lower. "Please. I can't go there alone."
"No. I'm sorry too," I insist. "I will learn to get past this with time. Maybe not completely. Never completely. But you're here with us now. That's what matters. And that makes me happy. So let's continue living our lives... figuratively speaking."
This gets a smile out of him. "That makes me happy too. So, are you really prepared to go with me?"
I shoot back a reassuring smile of my own. "Every step of the way."