Jealous, Much?

Chapter 3

I stop walking, not sure what to say. This is probably a fantastic opportunity for me to work on Harry’s plan, this is probably what he had in mind to happen (other than the idea he had that Zayn would jump me, and ‘kiss me passionately, full of all the pent-up feelings we had for each other’…which I really wouldn’t mind if it happened, but yeah). I could say what I said earlier to everyone, that Harry and I hadn’t really done anything, but Harry would kill me if he found out I completely ruined this chance to make Zayn jealous, or so Harry thinks he would be. But what if he thinks that I like Harry, and so would disregard any thought of him and I being together? Or he might think I’m a slut or something…Or maybe he might be jealous because he likes Harry?! Okay, Niall, stop thinking, you’ll make yourself sick.

I realise I’ve just been lost in my weird freak out/train of random thoughts, while Zayn is waiting and looking at me for an answer.

“Oh, yeah, we were just trying some stuff, just the usual, ya know…” I trail off.

His forehead crinkles for a second, as his eyes darken just a tad, before he asks, “What kind of stuff does the ‘usual’ entail of?”

Welp. What am I supposed to say to that? Oh yeah we were just snogging and grinding, stuff you do with all your mates, I think not. Yeah, I can’t say that.

I’m a little bit desperate for him to drop it now, because even though this is supposed to be part of the plan, I’m just not comfortable like Harry is with this sort of stuff.

I maybe sort of snap at him, as I say “What does it matter? It has nothing to do with you.”

Oh, but it has everything to do with you…

He recoils as I snappishly say this, frowning even more, as he opens his mouth and closes it again. We’re both just standing still in the middle of the sidewalk, just staring (well kind of glaring) at each other.

He opens his mouth again, and says “Well, I’m sorry, I was just…worried, okay? You seemed a little bit uncomfortable in there, and I just didn’t want you to be, I just really…”. Wait, he’s not actually going to say what I think he might say…? “…I don’t want anything going wrong with the band!” He finishes quickly, as I stare at him.

Yeah, no, of course he wouldn’t say anything to do with feelings to me. Not to be dramatic or anything, but I really need to stop getting my hopes up when it comes to Zayn. He obviously doesn’t care for me in the way I want him to. I’m suddenly a little bit angry with Harry for making me think that Zayn actually could like me. I need to call off this ‘plan’ of his, because it will probably just set me up for more heartbreak.

My stomach growls, and I suddenly realise I am starving, and standing here thinking about heartbreak is not going to put food into my mouth, so I motion to Zayn, without saying anything, that we should continue on our walk to the shops. He understands, and we break into a walk beside each other, shoulders almost, but not quite, touching. I’m not sure if I want us to be talking, as we walk in silence…sometimes I’m content with just walking in comfortable silence with someone, and other times, I want to be having an animated conversation with them, getting excited and just being happy. I don’t know which of those things I want right now. I feel like Zayn and I need to talk, even though I’m not completely sure what about, it’s just…you know when you get that feeling that something is just ‘in the air’, so to speak, and it’s just not going away, like there’s something left unsaid. Obviously what I have left unsaid are my feelings for Zayn, but it just feels like something else. Like Zayn should be saying something, but he just won’t. I don’t know, maybe I’m just being weird, yeah that’s probably just me being weird…I am quite unusual 90% of the time, but that’s all part of my charm (wink, wink).

We arrive outside of a mall, which has a huge ‘Westfield’ sign just above the entrance of the shopping centre. I wonder what will be open this late. We only need a grocery store, just to get a few items, and maybe we could bring stuff back to make a meal for all the lads, I’m pretty sure I saw a decent stovetop and microwave in Louis’ room…which mine did not have, I realise, getting a bit miffed. I would be the most likely to be using a kitchen that could be accessed at any time, even in the middle of the night (it’s fun to eat in the middle of the night, okay?), so why didn’t I get a room with a mini-kitchen?

As we walk in, straight in front of us, I can see a Coles, which is perfect. We walk into the store, both not even hesitating as we simultaneously walk straight to the aisle with a sign over it saying that it contains Asian-style foods. Zayn and I have this weird obsession with Aloe Vera drink which the other boys don’t understand. They always complain about how the bits of Aloe in it are weird, or it feels weird sliding down their throat, or as Louis says, ‘it’s meant to go on sunburn, why the hell would you drink it?’. Zayn’s actually the one who introduced it to me, when he made all of us try it, and I was the only one who didn’t grimace swallowing it down. I promise you, I did not pretend to like it, just because I love Zayn! I genuinely liked it, and the inner, love-struck part of me was just happy that Zayn and I had something we could share. I know it sounds stupid, but sharing something with your crush, even if it’s just liking the same drink, makes you feel just a little bit happier, don’t lie to me, you know it does.

As we find the familiar green bottles, we both reach for one, Zayn going for the smaller one, whereas I go for the (much) larger one. Whoops.

Zayn quietly laughs, looking at me holding the large drink, and I blush a little. I’m not usually embarrassed when it comes to food, but this makes me feel a little silly.

“I like it, okay?” I say, kind of laughing along with Zayn, trying not to blush anymore.

“No, no, I’m not laughing at you, well, I am, it’s just…cute.” He says hesitantly…well there goes me trying not to blush. “I like…that you like the same drink as me, even though the other guys hate it.”

Okay, he is seriously trying to kill me. But at least the uncomfortable awkwardness from before seems to be leaving, which I am very thankful for.

I laugh a little bit to cover my inner squealing (which I am doing way too much lately), and reply, “Yeah, me too”, with the thought of him knowing what I’m thinking making me grin a little sheepishly at him.

He grins just as sheepishly back, our eyes caught on each-others.