Roses You Left For Me

8

Their conversation continues for a while, drifting from one subject to the next before they settle on a brief goodbye as Taehyung impatiently drags Jeongguk into the purple room, settling him on the couch as he sits with his side against the couch and both legs thrown over Jeongguk's lap.

"Feels nice to have a customer I don't have to fuck," Taehyung says wistfully.

"Didn't know it was such a chore," Jeongguk comments.

"Oh, it's not. But of course, it can get boring. The man you saw, he looks good but he's awful at sex. He'd be better as a bottom or something," Taehyung mutters. "Anyway, you paid me to talk, so let's talk,"

"I don't know where to start," Jeongguk admits as he stares down at his hands in his lap.

"You start from the beginning of all your problems,"

"I miss him,"

"By him, you mean loverboy, yes?"

"Stop calling him that," Jeongguk snaps. "He's not my loverboy. He never was. Loves her more than me,"

"Jealousy is an awful look on you," Taehyung says.

"Hoseok said the same thing,"

"Hoseok says a lot of things," the elder murmurs as he slides down onto his knees, taking purchase by Jeongguk's knees.

"I don't want to fuck," Jeongguk says, but is hushed by Taehyung putting a finger to his own lips.

"We're not fucking,"

"I don't want you to do anything either," Jeongguk says. For a moment, Taehyung's eyebrows furrow, as if confused, but they quickly go back to normal as he stands and flops down on the couch. "I'm just- exhausted,"

"Of?"

"Life,"

"Deep,"

Jeongguk scowls and hits Taehyung on the leg, but the elder only chuckles. "Doll, life has got a lot more to offer you than you think. Not everything is about relationships and love. You gotta have some hate in there too to balance this shit out," Taehyung says.

"I don't want to feel this way anymore, hyung,"

"You won't forever,"

"I'm so sick of hearing that," the younger spits with a shake of his head.

"Let me guess, you feel vulnerable, exhausted and drained, right? Am I right?"

"Yeah,"

"It's your heart doing this to you. And you need to let it. Let your heart heal. It's the same as telling a grieving person to just get over it. You need to let your heart heal on its own,"

"It's too slow," Jeongguk whines.

"Don't be a brat and let yourself have time," Taehyung snaps. "You can't expect to lose a loved one and the next day be happy and bright. You're gonna come crashing down some days and that's just how it is. Hearts are pretty weak in most prospects if you think about it. But that," Taehyung says as he sits up to prod Jeongguk's chest. "That thing in there is keeping you alive. It's helping you breathe. It's helping you feel. Be grateful that you have that,"

Jeongguk just stares up at Taehyung, his words flowing through yet he hardly pays any attention to them. He's so focused on the way the purple lights make his hair shine and eyes glitter, that nothing else seems to matter. He leans forward and surprisingly, Taehyung doesn't pull away. Jeongguk presses a soft yet hard kiss to the dancer's lips before the elder pulls back.

"Getting attached to me won't do anything either,"

"You're all I got right now," Jeongguk echoes.

"You know that's not true,"

"Isn't it?" Jeongguk argues, yet his voice is weak and quiet. "I'm tired, hyung. I feel so exhausted of putting on a front for everyone. When I come here, it's not just about the sex. I feel free when I'm in here. I don't have to pretend,"

Taehyung remains quiet.

"Can I take you out? Just as friends?"

"I don't date customers," the dancer says sternly.

"It wouldn't be a date,"

"Stop,"

Jeongguk can't help the way his face falls. He looks away and nods. "Right, yeah. Sorry, it was stupid of me. Thanks for this, hyung. I'll see you next time,"