Rai Of Sunshine

Seven

The next morning, she decides to check her voicemail after her guests leave, but not before making sure they did as they were asked when it came to cleaning up, which they did. They also made a fabulous breakfast that they ate in the backyard, one of their favorite hangout spots. Raichelle discussed having her She Shed made. Trina didn't know what it was, Lauryn just smiled and nodded, and Ronnie just clowned her..calling her an old lady. 'Thanks for the encouragement..' Raichelle just rolled her eyes. 'Just don't ask to check it out when it's done...NIGGA!'

Raichelle finally pushed everyone out with their to-go plates. She checked her messages. 'Tabbs! She left me a message...' Tabitha gave Raichelle her personal number and asked her to call her asap, which she did.

'Rai! Hey, girl! I wondered when I was going to hear from you again! I wanted to call you just to see how you were but I didn't want to intrude.'

'I'm so sorry, Tabbs! I just kept myself busy..and drunk..ha!' The two ladies laughed. 'I'll do better, I promise.'

'Uh..you better!'

'So you ok? How's the hubby and baby?'

'We're all doing great. Baby's not here yet though.'

'Awww..what are you two having?'

'A big headed boy.' They laughed out loud.. 'I had to go on bed rest early since I was having a few issues. Otherwise I'm fine.'

'That's wonderful to hear.'

'Now, I don't want to sound out of the way..but I was just wondering if..'

'Yes! I will design his room!'

'You will?!' She squealed with excitement.. 'But how did you know I was gonna ask that?'

'Remember we discussed it before..'

'Oh...girl yeah. My bad. Baby Brain..'

'That's a thing?'

'Yeah, girl it is....'

'Is it bad as Fibro Fog?'

'I have no clue..'

They laughed more and discussed plans to do the baby's room and possibly other projects in the near future. They also talked about the issues Raichelle was having.

'No warning! No nothing! Now he wants to call and texts from all these different numbers and apologize...I'm like JUST SAVE IT! I don't wanna hear it.'

'Well, why don't you tell him that?'

'I don't want to speak to him right now. I don't want to see his face or hear from him. I blocked all of his social media and the numbers..but he's persistent...why?!'

'I understand your frustrations.'

'But why does he continue to bother me? Like LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANT! WHY DO YOU KEEP FUCKING WITH ME?!'

'As crazy as it sounds, some men love drama as much as they claim women do. And he probably keeps calling to see if you'll finally pick up, if you still have feelings, if you'll some how cave..to keep you near..'

'But he has someone..'

'Doesn't matter. Some men are so selfish, they want it all. He still wants his friend and if he can sneak in anything else..believe me when I tell you that he'll try it.'

'That's sick as fuck..'

'Yes it is. Many don't realize it's a problem. But so many of us were conditioned to cater to a man and his needs, no matter how sick they are. Sadly we were taught that having a piece of a man is better than no man at all. And men are benefitting from that, not realizing they're stunting their own growth in the process....not to mention KARMA or whatever you want to call it. Not to mention, being with losers like this stunts our own growth as well as set us back.'

'Sad...I hope he gets his Karma soon so I can laugh in his ugly ass face..'

'Oh trust me! I know this exact feeling and I felt that way for a long time after my last relationship. But you know what? It ate me up inside and made me toxic. Girl, I was repelling men left and right, sabbotaging relationships. All because of an ex who didn't give a crap about me anymore. More than likely he never did. I was looking for a dude to mess up so I could go off on him. Even if he never messed up, I started to nitpick. It got so bad, I had to totally be alone for awhile. This one guy that I really liked? I had to apologize to him for being a you-know-what. And he let me have it! In the nicest way of course. He basically let me know that I was on a destructive path. He mentioned that he was the same way at one point. So when he picked up on those characteristics with me, he tried to be understanding and patient until he couldn't take anymore. He and I are still cordial. And if it weren't for him, I would have missed out on the next guy that came along . And the guy who did ended up being my husband. I'm so grateful that someone kept it real with me. That's why as a friend..not just as counselor..I'm telling you to LET THAT SHIT GO...'

Raichelle cried and continued to listen.

'Just like he told me, I'm telling you... You are too much of an amazing woman to let one man keep you from your happiness. You just don't know how many amazing men are looking for a woman to match them. A real woman, not a play thing. Believe it or not, there are men who are looking for something serious..you deserve that, sis. I know how much you want love. But maintain that self-love by keeping yourself maintained...clean that temple internally and externally.'

'Thank you...' was all Raichelle could muster. 'You are so right..and I'm going to work on that right away.'

'Good to hear. If you need anything please don't hesitate to call this number, ok? Keep pushing. I'm so proud of you.'

'Thanks so much, Tabbs..'

'That's what I'm here for...remember what I told you. Write down as much as you can and how you're feeling right now, so we can discuss your progress when I'm back in action. I'm claiming it in faith that you will be a new woman...just you wait! I believe in you...I'm not just saying that. I know you have the fight in you. You've made it this far..'

Raichelle thanks her good friend again and grabs her journal to put her feelings out on the table sort of speak, soaking the page again.

(Journal Entry:)

Ok, God. I don't ever know where to start with this. I'm so hurt, lost, and angry. How could this happen to me when I trusted him? Him of all people? He was supposed to be my friend and he betrayed me. He hurt me more than any other human on Earth could possibly hurt me. Even more than my ex husband. I just couldn't even imagine that, as crazy as he is.

I poured my whole heart out to this so-called FRIEND, cried on his shoulder! I helped him when he was in a hard place. I prayed for his broken heart. All for him to just throw me away like I was nothing. All for a chick that he said was trash. Why?! Just why?!

And I'm trying not to be mad at her, but why her instead of me? I thought he said she dogged him out and used him. I would've never done that to him!

Why did he pursue me and tell me he wanted me to be his wife if he didn't mean it?! Why did he hurt me after he said I could trust him?!

I'M SO ANGRY! I COULD JUST SCREAM RIGHT NOW! I HATE HIM SO MUCH!

GOD PLEASE HELP ME! PLEASE TAKE THIS HATE OUT OF MY HEART! PLEASE TAKE THIS HURT AWAY! PLEASE HEAL ME!

I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I'M TIRED!

I just feel like curling into a little ball and disappearing. Just thinking about this hurts all over again! And I just want to lock myself in this house by myself and never leave again. Never love again! I don't even want to hear that word again! What does it really mean anyway?! People make up explanations just to suit their selfish desires!

I don't want anyone that close to my heart every again. NO MORE!

I'M DONE!

'My book is going to be warped,' she stated wiping her tears from her face and her last page, smearing some of the words. 'I need a nap..I don't know how I'm gonna get through this. This can't be my life...'