Hope Remains: A Hope Springs Fanfiction

Chapter 14

Watching Finbarr's retreating back, Emma ran her thumb along one of the flower's spindly, long stems. Her heart beat so fast, she felt as though she'd run a race. He hadn't given up on her this time, as he had so many times before. She wanted to believe he really did love her, but fear lingered in the back of her mind. Theirs had not been an easy relationship after the fire. The scars it had left, both physical and emotional, had taken years to fade and they were not yet gone completely.

You are a gift in my life, Emma.

She repeated his words in her mind, cherishing the way they warmed her heart like an evening in front of the fire after being out in a frigid Wyoming winter's night. He had called her a gift, she hadn't heard him say that in a long time. Before the fire, he had called her that often, especially when he had coaxed a laugh out of her.

You are a gift, Miss Emma, he'd say. That laugh would bring joy to even the most dispirited fellow in the world.

Her lips curved up at the memory. After the barn had burned and plunged Finbarr's world into darkness, his smiles had become so infrequent, catching sight of one felt like catching a glimpse of the leprechauns in Katie's stories. Rare and special. She knew he had done everything in his power to protect her best friend. She didn't blame him for Marianne's death. She only wished they had talked about what had happened long ago. Why hadn't they?

She felt Peter's questioning gaze on her. She turned toward him, meeting those kind, dark eyes of his.

"I'm sorry," she felt the heat of embarrassment creeping into her cheeks. What was the matter with her? She was here with a perfectly kind, wonderful man and yet all she could do was think of Finbarr. "I'm afraid I'm being rude."

Peter shook his head, a small smile playing around his lips. "I take it that is the friend you had the disagreement with?"

Emma knew from his inflection on the word "friend" that he had sorted out her relationship with Finbarr immediately. She nodded, not certain what else she could do.

"Finbarr and I have been friends for a long time. Well, we've tried to be friends, it hasn't always worked out that way. At least not since the fire."

The story was long and painful, but she told him the whole of it. It was easier to tell him in the gathering darkness of twilight as she relived it all. The feud, the fighting, the dark days after the bridge had been destroyed, the fire...

Her throat caught as she told Peter about Marianne, she hadn't talked about these painful memories in a long time. She missed her friend as acutely as she imagined Finbarr missed his sight. Again, she wished they had talked about all of this a long time ago.

By the time she finished telling Peter about the fire, his face had gone slightly pale.

"Heavens," he muttered, running a hand over his face. "I had no idea he was truly blind. I thought it was a joke."

"He has been blind for almost ten years," she nodded, feeling hollowed out and raw. "I can't imagine what that would be like, to suddenly not be able to see anything familiar, to not know where you are..."

Finbarr had been through unspeakable pain, yet he had been trying so hard to live a normal life again. Guilt pricked her stomach. She hadn't been making it easier on her friend, especially not over the last few weeks. He had been through enough without her adding to his grief.

"Do you still have feelings for him?" Peter asked quietly, voicing the question she had been asking herself. He must have guessed from her conversation with Finbarr that there was something between them.

"I don't know," she murmured, rubbing at her temples. It was true, she had no idea how she felt toward Finbarr anymore, only that she cared about him. "It's complicated."